Wednesday, 28 September 1921
Late
Gideon’s office
Rose quietly left her quarters; Fiona was sleeping soundly finally. It was late and the child could sense the tension in the air. Gideon’s trial was days away, and both of the adults in her life were being kind of… strange.
So, now that the girl was sound asleep, Rose brought in a house elf to watch over the girl while she made her way down the dungeon hall to Gideon’s office. He’d be in there, she knew it. She’d never seen him like this before, and it was hard. She wanted to do something – anything – to help him destress, but no matter what she tried… the look in his eyes told her it didn’t work.
His office door was shut, so Rose knocked a couple times before opening the door. “It’s just me,” she said and smiled as she walked in, pushing the door shut behind her. He was seated at his desk, a mess of papers all over the top. He looked disheveled.
“How are you, a mhuirnín*?” she asked, her voice soft as she made her way around his desk to his side. She looked down at the papers. He had nothing to worry about. She kept telling him that. But perhaps because he was the first one to go on trial, he didn’t know what to expect. She couldn’t blame him for that.
She then moved so she was standing behind him in his chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, hoping that her presence could help calm him a bit.
*A mhuirnín (uh WUR-neen) — “darling / beloved”
There was a bottle of whisky just on the other side of the door waiting for him, but he knew it wasn’t the time. He needed to focus, everything was on the line.
The trial was like a ticking clock, counting down the hours to his demise. Gideon wanted to believe everything would end up ok, but it was hard to put all his hopes on a dream. He was finally happy, finally in love and starting a life, just for it to be threatened in such a drastic manner.
Gideon had spent days, well months actually, pouring over cases and studies to help him win his trial. Meetings with his legal team, mock interviews, discussing strategies, it was all coming to a head in two days' time when he would face the Wizengamot and learn his fate.
Currently, he was reading about a similar case in the 1850s where a man was murdered while committing a heinous crime. The man on trial was tried and convicted. Yes, convicted. He died in Azkaban, even though he was trying to save his wife from a horrible attack. It seemed that stabbing the attacker fifty-seven times was a little overkill.
The door opened, but Gideon didn’t hear it. There was another case he wanted to study, something about a father protecting his child from… something. That man had been found innocent. He needed more cases like that.
Rose was making her way closer, Gideon was solely focused on the mess of papers in front of him. His clothing disheveled, hands running through his hair, making the dark locks stand up at odd angles. For someone so put together, he looked rough. The dark circles under his eyes told a story of no sleep, there was no time for sleep when everything in his life was hinging on this one trial.
If he had been paying attention to the room around him, he would have noticed Rose coming closer, asking him questions, but he didn’t. Then, her arms came up and hugged him around the neck.
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.” Gideon was up and out of his chair before he could think better of it. Rose, in his office. Why was she here?
“What Rose? What do you want? Can’t you see that I’m working here?”
He instantly hated himself for the tone and the words, but his stress and anxiety came out in a blast, directed towards the one person he promised to always cherish. Running his hand over his face he sighed. Could this get any worse?
Rose had felt the tension when she entered Gideon’s office, however she hadn’t expected him to react the way that he had. She should have known; while she had noticed his dishevelment being a bit more than usual after a long day of work, she still thought that maybe he was okay.
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”
He moved quickly; he was standing up and facing her, and her hands had fallen to her sides. She’d moved back too.
“What Rose? What do you want? Can’t you see that I’m working here?”
Rose was frozen momentarily, but then something hot flared in her chest. His words cut her like ice, and she clenched her jaw before responding. “Cad sa diabhal atá ort*?”[/b] Her voice was low and fast, and anger flashed in her eyes as the Irish slipped out of her mouth. His movement had startled her, and his words had hit her hard.
Taking another step back, Rose forced herself to breathe, her hands balled into tight fists at her sides. She worked hard to reign her anger in, and she felt it beginning to subside. It’d been a [i]long time since she felt that angry.
Calmer now, Rose spoke again. This time in English and this time firmer. “Don’t… don’t you speak to me like that.” His tone had almost reminded her of her father and how he’d begun speaking to her mum when he found out they were both witches.
As she stood there, looking at Gideon, her blue eyes softened. Now that she could properly see his face, she saw the fear that he’d kept buried under the papers and his refusal of sharing the seriousness with her about the trial.
Every time Rose spoke, her voice got softer.
“I came to help. I didn’t come to be snapped at because you’re scared.”
She sighed and shook her head, all anger now gone from her.
“Breathe, Gid…” she said, moving closer to him now. “I know that this is tearing you apart and I also know that you’re used to dealing with things on your own. But you have me now, and I am here for you to talk to, not unload all of this on.”
A beat.
“I can leave if you think you need the space… but do not make me regret coming in here to check on you.”
*What the hell is wrong with you?
Fuck
Gideon ran his hands over his face, the stubble on his face more than a few days old. “Cad sa diabhal atá ort*?”
He had no idea what she just said, but he knew by the tone and the look on her face it wasn’t I love you. The stress was eating him up, causing sleepless nights and aggression with no outlet. The charges were bogus, his solicitor had told him as much, but there was no guarantee.
“Don’t… don’t you speak to me like that.”
The look of her face when he snapped would be forever burned in his brain. A reminder. She deserved better. His words were caught in his throat, a lump that was hard to swallow. Gideon’s face fell, his hand resting on his hip, watching Rose as she processed the scene.
“I came to help. I didn’t come to be snapped at because you’re scared.”
With a sigh, his head dropped. He was scared, but showing weakness would always end badly. He was supposed to be strong for her, for their family. This trial had the ability to ruin all the good in his life. If found guilty, he would lose Rose, Fiona, his family… Everything.
“Breathe, Gid… I know that this is tearing you apart and I also know that you’re used to dealing with things on your own. But you have me now, and I am here for you to talk to, not unload all of this on.”
His eyes stayed downcast, angry with himself for snapping at her. She didn’t deserve his anger. She deserved his love and devotion. The stress eating him alive was impossible to hide, but if they were to be married, he would need to learn how to share the good and the bad with her. Something easier said than done.
“I can leave if you think you need the space… but do not make me regret coming in here to check on you.”
“Don’t.” One simple word, filled with meaning. His voice came out in a rasp, full of emotion and apology. “Don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave.”
Saying the words ‘I'm sorry,’ wasn’t enough. Taking the steps to close the distance, he pulled her into his arms, his face finding the curve of her neck. His forehead resting on her shoulder. “I’m sorry my love,” he said in a whisper, kissing the exposed skin of her neck. His hold on her was tight, afraid that if he let go, he would never have her in his arms again.
“I can’t lose you and Fiona. If I lose this trial, I won’t survive Azkaban. I can’t live a life without you in it.” Lifting his head, Gideon kissed her temple, her cheek, before resting his forehead on hers.
“I survived a war, death, grief, injury, but I won’t survive losing you.”
It hadn’t taken long and Gideon was regretful. Rose knew that he hadn’t been malicious with yelling at her, but it still had surprised her. And not in a good way. No, she’d never seen him like that. Stressed, yes, but never this emotional. Honestly, it was ridiculous that when they were together, there was usually not much to be upset about.
Gideon wasn’t looking at her anymore by the time she was done speaking.
“Don’t. Don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave.”
A silent sigh escaped Rose’s lips as she felt her defenses begin to crumble. The tension began leaving her body, but she was still a bit wary. Could he blame her though?
As Gideon stepped towards her, Rose remained still. He hugged her and it took her a moment to finally relax into it and wrap her arms around his middle.
“I’m sorry my love.”
She breathed in his scent as he apologized. His lips touched her neck and she melted, though pathetically tried to remain strong.
“I can’t lose you and Fiona. If I lose this trial, I won’t survive Azkaban. I can’t live a life without you in it.”
Rose’s stomach flipped at the mention of the trial, and of Azkaban, and the very real possibility that he could, depending on what the Wizengamot decided, be forcefully removed from her life.
He kissed her temple and then rested his forehead on hers.
“I survived a war, death, grief, injury, but I won’t survive losing you.”
Staying silent for a moment longer, Rose closed her eyes. She forgave him, of course she did. But the boundary had to be built with more than just heated words. “Look at me…” she said, her voice soft as she opened her eyes and lifted her head enough so that he would have to as well.
“You aren’t going to lose us. Not to fear. Not to this trial. And not because you’re tired and terrified and snapping at shadows.” Her voice was still soft, but had just enough firmness that he would have no choice but to believe her words. “But… you can’t push me away.”
To further prove how serious she was, Rose smirked a little bit. “I said yes to you because I love you and because I want to experience life with you. That’s not just the good, we’ve had plenty of that. It won’t always be perfect. But I am always on your side, and I am always here when you need someone. You don’t have to go at this alone.”
Finally, Rose leaned her forehead against his again, tightening her arms around him. [/b]“If this ends badly — and I don’t believe it will — we face it together. But until then, you breathe. You sleep. And you let me help you carry this.”[/b]
A small chuckle, and a smile. “And if you ever snap at me like that again, you won’t like what happens next.”
She pressed her lips to his, kissing him slowly and with purpose. “That’s a promise.”
He looked into her eyes, a place he usually found solace and love. Today they were tinged with anger, rightfully so. His hands cradled her face, his eyes took in every beautiful detail, never wanting to forget.
The trial was looming, he couldn’t help but be nervous. Yes, he had made a deal with James Laurence, but there were no guarantees until the ‘Not guilty’ was given.
“You aren’t going to lose us. Not to fear. Not to this trial. And not because you’re tired and terrified and snapping at shadows.” His beautiful and fierce fiance was a sight to behold. It would be worth remembering how that one snap brought out her fire. “But… you can’t push me away.”
Taking her statement for gospel, Gideon pulled Rose into his arms, pulling her close while his face went to her neck and breathed in the scent that was uniquely Rose. Pulling away, just enough to see her smirking, kissable lips. Which he kissed briefly, just a small peck. “I said yes to you because I love you and because I want to experience life with you. That’s not just the good, we’ve had plenty of that. It won’t always be perfect. But I am always on your side, and I am always here when you need someone. You don’t have to go at this alone.”
Resting his forehead on hers, he kept quiet as she spoke, putting him in his place and expressing her love and devotion. He didn’t deserve her. “If this ends badly — and I don’t believe it will — we face it together. But until then, you breathe. You sleep. And you let me help you carry this.”
Gideon sighed. Tired and spent from weeks of preparing for the trial. Now, just days away, he was exhausted. The chuckle and smile that left her lips made him smirk in return. “And if you ever snap at me like that again, you won’t like what happens next.”
He groaned playfully, happy that they were through their first fight. He didn’t let her out of his arms, “Trust me, lesson learned.” He lowered his lips to hers, smiling, before tilting his head to take her mouth fully. They stood there, in each other's arms, kissing sweetly.
With a great amount of strength, he pulled away, kissing her right temple, then left, the tip of her nose, the right corner of her lips, then the left corner, and then with a small tug on her hair to expose the column of her neck he kissed down the soft sweet skin he had exposed.
Speaking into the skin of her neck, in a soft whisper, Gideon poured his love into her. “Roisin, my love. I love you more than my own life. I’m sorry for snapping, I will watch my tone in all future stressful situations. I can’t wait for you to walk down the aisle to me (kiss), marry me (kiss), take my name (kiss), give me babies (kiss), and for us to grow old together. This is a promise I don’t plan on breaking.”
Standing to his full height, he pulled her over to the couch, sat down with a dramatic thud, then pulled Rose onto his lap. He needed to hold her, in his arms, just having her there, with him, made all the worries disappear.
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