Arundel Castle - Him & I | Bae

Trigger Warning
This post depicts themes of physical child abuse.

The boy felt his back hit the cushioning of the sofa before he could recognize where he was.

He tried to move, tried to sit up and get his bearings, but he was still rigidly locked in place, the sounds of the gathering outside now dissipating with every second that passed. He wanted to speak, tried desperately to get his vocal cords to work in his favor - nothing.

He could only breathe heavily, his eyes fixed on the high ceilings above him as the voices of Leo and Arthur garbled around him. Vaguely, he was aware of a door slamming closed somewhere behind him, while the two men discussed something that didn't make sense nearby.

Something warm suddenly flushed through him, making him sit up quickly, gasping as though he'd been underwater for too long. He blinked heavily as he grabbed at his clothes, the fog lifting from his brain as he realized he was seated in the men's lounge off the main foyer. He glanced around, realizing he was alone with Leo and Arthur - James was nowhere to be seen and Rae...

Where was Rae? Had they taken her too? "Where is she?" he sputtered, before a fist suddenly clocked his jaw, sending the boy falling to the floor. He groaned, still dealing with the remaining confusion that coursed through him, and now reconciling with the way his jaw throbbed. The boy spit, tasting iron coat the tip of his tongue, and realizing his lip had been split open with the impact.

"What the fuck..." he tried, before a pair of hands were on him again, Arthur yanking him roughly to his feet. Had they...had they just hit him?! Benji hadn't been attacked by an adult since Syria two years ago. Never had any of his new family ever put their hands on him in a violent way, and the boy reeled at the realization it had just happened, as Leo's dark eyes bore into his hazel. Arthur held him steady as Rosie's dad moved closer, his face stoic and hard.

Benji's breaths came faster and shallower. "When Julia finds out," he sputtered, just as Leo's fist made contact with the boy's stomach. All the air was knocked out of him as his body instinctively keeled over, but Arthur held his arms firmly, making it impossible for the boy to try and catch his breath again. He gasped and wheezed, unable to suck in even the smallest bit of air, causing his lungs to burn in revolt.

His heart pounded in his chest, as his fists balled, ready to swing when the next blow came.

A sudden flash of yellow exploded through the room, sending Leo flying and crashing into the far wall. Arthur immediately released the boy, and stumbled backwards, yelling at James to knock it off as the duke crossed the room in long purposeful strides. Quiet fury surged through the man, his hand gripping tightly to his wand. Arthur had always straddled the line between appropriate and not, but Leo had mostly managed to contain himself and remain composed.

Whatever had led the older of the two to think he could take matters into his own hands when it came to Benji had gravely misled him.

"Handle your boys how you will. You'll keep your hands and wands off mine."

Leo groaned as he climbed to his feet, glaring at his cousin, and yanking his arm away from Arthur. "He'll never learn if you coddle him like his mother," Leo practically spat. "He's embarrassed the family," Arthur added, "he needs to be reigned in."

"I'll take fucking parenting advice from you lot when you manage to get your own children under control," James said evenly, his voice cold and dripping with the warning that he'd take both of them out before he'd let them say another word. He didn't need to elaborate, the message reaching both men clearly. Leo's daughter was a walking liability and had gotten them in unnecessary trouble with the Ministry. Arthur's youngest was a soft-boy, emotional and temperamental. "Touch this boy again, and you'll both find yourselves out on your asses before you can reconcile it."

The two left the room, angry, but resigned, both bowing their heads as they straightened their suits and head back out to rejoin the rest of the family.

James sighed, turning back to his nephew and gave a slight shake of his head. "Benji..." he said quietly. His head spun, trying to understand what had just happened out there. His nephew had performed well all night, he liked Ruth, this wasn't something he was having to be strong-armed into. Roger was - understandably - beyond offended, and it would be a fix that would take time; a lot more time than it took to build up the relationship in the first place.

The man ran a hand across his face and through his hair, taking a deep breath as he tried to make sense of it. "Benji, there isn't going to be a better match," James tried to reason with him.

"I know, I don't want any other match. I want her..."

"Then why?!" James's voice rose slightly, feeling frustration taking over. "Do you understand what you've just done? The distrust you've just sewn, the ridicule you've just brought upon both families?" James tried to maintain his composure, pacing slightly to fight off the impulses to shout and and bring the world down on the boy. Benji didn't answer.

After a moment, the man stopped, giving himself a quiet moment to gather his thoughts. "Benji, if you can't take this seriously, then I'll have to let the match go," James said evenly. His honey-brown eyes found hazel, imploring the boy to understand what he was at risk of losing here. "She'll be gone. If you think the Burkes won't take her back to America for good, if you think her father won't find someone else for her, you're gravely underestimating them." James had no illusions that this wasn't just bad for business, this was bad for any potential Benji had to make connections in the future. While most guests had been drunk, there were enough that could still talk, and the last think James needed was powerful houses thinking the boy would make a joke of their daughters.

Benji shook his head, his eyebrows coming together as the words washed over him. "No, I don't...I don't want that. I can't let them do that to her," Benji said softly. James gained on him.

"This isn't a fucking game. This is her life, and yours, and the future of this entire family. This is how I legitimize you. This is how I ensure that this family will continue on after I'm gone, and that you are taken seriously as its head. There isn't room for this bullshit and open rebellion."

James turned away, trying to think, before he turned back pointing his hand at Benji. "You'll go out there," he said, his voice measured, "You're going to apologize, sincerely, to every member of that family individually. And then you're going to ask her father for his permission to make this right."

James pulled the ring out of his pocket and thrust it into Benji's hand. "You'll get on your knee like a gentleman, and you'll ask her properly." James bore his eyes into his nephew's, making sure he understood that there was no room here for any deviations.

"And Benji," James said quietly, his voice dropping low. "Defy me like this again, and you won’t just be risking a match or an evening’s embarrassment. You’ll be risking the future I’m trying, desperately, to put in your hands."

James’s expression softened, not enough to take away the seriousness, but enough to remind Benji this wasn’t anger. It was fear. It was love dressed in authority.

"I can weather scandal. I can shoulder the Burkes. I can take every blow meant for you. But I cannot protect you," he said, steady as a heartbeat, "if you insist on walking into the fire while I’m trying to pull you out of it."

He put a hand briefly on the back of Benji’s neck, grounding him, guiding him back into the moment.

"I need you to trust me. I need you to let me teach you how to survive them. How to survive all of this."

The boy nodded, James noting the moisture welling behind his eyes, but he paid no attention to it. Instead, he flicked his wand, hiding the cut on Benji's lip and vanishing the blood.

"Now breathe. Stand up straight. And let’s go make this right, together."

Benji stood there for a moment, trying to gather his bearings, his attempted breaths harder and harder to come by. His uncle stopped in front of him, taking his chin gently in his hand even as the boy winced. The flash of James's spell had come so suddenly, Benji barely had time to process what had happened, but something resembling pride surged up in him, noting the way Leo now sprawled against the far wall.

"Touch this boy again, and you'll both find yourselves out on your asses before you can reconcile it."

And just like that, the pride vanished, giving way to the unexpected humiliation that suddenly coursed through him. Not because he'd been hit, or even that he hadn't swung back, but because he'd let his guard down, believing it couldn't happen here, in this home. Did he deserve it? His uncle didn't seem to think so, but Benji knew - he probably did.

"Benji, there isn't going to be a better match."

"I know, I don't want any other match. I want her..."

"Do you understand what you've just done? The distrust you've just sewn, the ridicule you've just brought upon both families?" His uncle's voice was full of frustration, and for a moment the boy finally questioned himself. He was trying to prove he could carve his own path - but was this the way? If it wasn't, what was?

The boy averted his gaze as he finally caught his breath. Shame washed over him, knowing he'd just done what he done, and yet his uncle was here, still protecting him, still fighting off those who would punish him for it. "I was just...I don't know," he said quietly, his voice raspy and strained.

He visibly recoiled when his uncle reminded him that the Burkes could take Rae, and he'd never see her again. Fuck. Why hadn't he thought of all that? Why hadn't it occurred to him that Rae's father was the type of man who would call the whole thing off if he wanted to? Was Benji that blindly confident? The ring was thrust into his hand, with instructions on how to make it all right.

Benji nodded silently, agreeing that he would. He didn't want Roger to take Rae somewhere he'd never see her again. He didn't want to hear that she'd been arranged to someone else.

"I can weather scandal. I can shoulder the Burkes. I can take every blow meant for you. But I cannot protect you, if you insist on walking into the fire while I’m trying to pull you out of it."

"Okay," Benji said quietly. He'd...he'd trust him. He did, already, didn't he? James had never really given him a reason not to. He wanted to apologize, but the look on his uncle's face already told him it wouldn't be necessary.

"Now breathe. Stand up straight. And let’s go make this right, together."

Benji took a deep breath, straightening himself. He'd do it. He'd admit defeat in this instance, if it meant not losing his girlfriend.

As the two walked back out into the foyer, the boy felt all eyes on him, but his were only for her. He tried to convey through his serious expression that he was alright, and she didn't need to worry, but the pain throbbing in his jaw told him that a bruise was forming, if it wasn't visible already.

He took a deep breath, slowly moving his gaze to Roger, and with James's encouraging pat on his back, he made his way over to the man. "I'm very sorry, sir," Benji said quietly, forcing himself to maintain eye contact, "For embarrassing your family and mine, but even more - for disrespecting your daughter. She deserved better, and if you'll allow me to make it right, I'd like to give her better."

He waited a moment, before turning his eyes to Mrs. Burke and her two children, "I'm sorry ma'am. For ruining the party you all were looking forward to."

He could feel Leo's eyes boring into him, but he didn't cast even the slightest glance his way. Behind him, he heard Amelia tut sympathetically, but he remained quiet, waiting for whatever was supposed to come next.

The night only seemed to be growing longer. The tea they had offered the man remained untouched by the small end table to his left, his fingers drumming inaudibly against the cushioned arm of the couch. The garden had been emptied, and the guests were ushered off the property with polite gratitude for attending and parting goodwill. And there he sat, his mind far from the inane prattling of his wife and Amelia over their cups of tea, beyond the reach of his son, who tried telling him about the plants in the Laurences's garden--yet, not so far from Lucy or Ruth, in case either thought to continue the earlier night's feud.

Both girls sat close by. Lucy's nose was stubbornly buried in a copy of Vogue that Amelia had offered her when they arrived in the sitting room, the girl making every attempt to ignore her sister. Ruth, with her legs thrown over the arm of the small armchair in which she sat, cast her gaze out into the night sky, content to pretend she was anywhere else. The girl hadn't stopped sulking from the moment Benji had been taken away and her 'mother' told to return home without her.

Let her sulk, so long as she did so quietly.

Roger couldn't wait for it to end. He relished the thought of a warm bath drawn to undo the knots that had formed in his muscles from all the tension of the evening. He wouldn't relax fully until he was back on the Gold Coast, but his tolerance had reached its threshold.

The men returned, James leading Benji in. The boy was more subdued now. He'd lost the 'confused and unwell' facade they'd pedalled to he crowd, appearing to be back within his full senses. It was a Christmas miracle in June, Roger thought dryly.

A gentle gasp coming from his right alerted him to the bruise on the boy's jaw. Words were unnecessary, the message--whether intended or otherwise-- was clear. They'd handled the boy for his misstep, and his demeanour made it clear the message had been received, at least in part. The man stood at their approach, dark eyes boring into the boy who, for a time, seemed incapable of keeping his eyes off his daughter. Behind him, he became aware of Ruth as she moved closer, but as she set to move past him, the man took firm hold of her arm and pulled her back. There would be no reconciliation without apology; had the girl learned nothing? When would she start acting like someone who knew her worth and no longer accepted scraps for the sake of something as fleeting as affection?

"I'm very sorry, sir. For embarrassing your family and mine, but even more - for disrespecting your daughter. She deserved better, and if you'll allow me to make it right, I'd like to give her better."

The man held Benji's gaze, allowing the silence to drag for several seconds. He wanted the boy to feel the weight of his words and understand--truly understand--what he had done. This wasn't a game, however much they wanted to pretend otherwise.

Children they were, but it was time to grow up. They bore the weight of two dynasties on their shoulders and were expected to act the part. Ignorance, especially the willful kind, could no longer be considered an excuse.

Roger nodded for the sake of moving the atonement walk along, but he would wait to see these promises that would 'make up' for what had been done.

An apology for Francine and, by extension, their children.

"And hers?" He prompted after another prolonged moment of silence. Benji stood expectant, clearly thinking he was done, but he'd forgotten one of the more important ones. Roger nodded down at his daughter. "She's the one whose stock you've lowered, the one they'll be talking about until the next great scandal erupts. They'll remember her as the girl who got a shrug of a proposal. You've made sure there will be snickers in every room you take her into--maybe even pity at being betrothed to someone who doesn't think much of her. Doubtless, that wasn't your intention, but it's what you've done, and you don't seem to understand that."

Children could be terribly short-sighted. A joke today was social homicide in a decade.

They were back. Rae's head turned at the scuffle of footsteps along the ground, the beats of her heart suddenly increasing.

She knew the men were full of shit when they'd declared Benji unwell, but she also knew a deeper truth, too. It was a pattern she'd grown accustomed to, one that changed form but achieved the same end even in lofty castles like these. The young girl knew--beyond whatever attempts they were making to save face--that they were using the opportunity to isolate her boyfriend. Benji was tough...but not tough enough to take them all, should they choose to unleash some godforsaken, unholy wrath on him over something that was never meant to be that serious in the first place.

She worried that once they'd gotten him away from prying eyes, they would hurt him, and those fears were vindicated when mahogany eyes landed on the darkened skin by his jaw. She gasped softly as she rose to her feet, her heart sinking at the realisation he had gotten hurt and all because he'd been trying to make things up to her. It was no different than when he'd gotten hurt trying to help her with Al-Tajir back in their first year, a pattern that seemed to keep playing out.

It had been for her and now...now...

Her feet hurried her across the room, but before she could get to him, one of those hands that had grown far too familiar gripped firmly at her arm.

Rae pulled against her father, but stilled when his fingers dug deep into her delicate skin. It was a wonder she hadn't gained a permanent bruise with how often the man grabbed her that way.

She listened through the painful apology, settled only by the look he'd given her earlier. Benji wanted her to think he was alright. She didn't believe him, but understood that fussing at the moment might only cause them to hurt him more. Inside, her blood boiled. Who were they to think they held all the power? What right did they have to force them through any of this? The girl's stomach churned painfully with her disdain; the scene was literally more than she could stomach.

Just the thought that they stood smug, believing themselves the winners, was enough to make her want to flip the entire table, remind them that nothing was guaranteed.

But she didn't. It didn't serve anyone this time. Not her and not Benji. The world thought Ruth Anaya was impulsive, reckless--that she moved first and thought later. Nothing could be further from the truth. Rae was driven by her self-interests, consequences be damned, but there was nothing to be gained and no reason to make things harder for the boy, who must also have been boiling from these forced apologies.

The girl released an inaudible, relieved sigh when it was finally over, happy they could relax and that she might get to check on him. Unfortunately, nothing was ever so simple when it came to her father. It was something she was still learning for herself. Rae's body stiffened at his interjection, her jaw setting and her lips tugging downward into a grimace of displeasure.

Why couldn't he let it go?

She didn't care for an apology. Benji wouldn't have done this if it weren't for her. And now, who knew if they were done with him.

He waited, never breaking eye contact, his chin held slightly higher than was probably acceptable. Benji was prideful, always had been, and likely always would be. He was sorry, genuinely, but the way Roger still looked at him, stirred something within the boy that wouldn't let him be fully humbled.

His eyes dropped only momentarily to the man's hand squeezing Rae's shoulder, holding her back from him. He wanted to shove Roger off, tell him to keep his hands off of her, but it would only make things worse. He needed to make this right for Rae, and for his family. They were all right, she did deserve better, even if she didn't think she did or needed it.

"And hers?"

He didn't answer, hazel eyes filling with something Benji couldn't even put into words. He was being told, again, how to treat her. As though he didn't know her better than every single person in this room combined. As though it hadn't been the two of them from the very beginning, before these families had ever walked into their lives.

She was his. Not theirs.

His eyes followed Roger's nod.

"She's the one whose stock you've lowered, the one they'll be talking about until the next great scandal erupts. They'll remember her as the girl who got a shrug of a proposal. You've made sure there will be snickers in every room you take her into--maybe even pity at being betrothed to someone who doesn't think much of her. Doubtless, that wasn't your intention, but it's what you've done, and you don't seem to understand that."

More condescension. Telling him what he understood and what he didn't. Other adults had done the same over the past few years. He straightened, dropping his shoulders, fixing his eyes on Rae's pretty mahogany. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, not sure what else to say to Rae who he knew didn't want it anyway. Her father did. He took a deep breath, fiddling with the ring in his closed fist.

There was...one thing he could promise, in light of her father's words.

"Rae, despite what apparently everyone thinks, no one will ever be able to doubt how I feel about you. I'll protect you in every room we walk into, address every naysayer who thinks they have a right to speak on you. My eyes will always be for you, and no one else." A small smile curled at the corner of his mouth. "You'll always come first, you'll always be the one I stand for against everyone else."

Maybe they weren't the exact words the families wanted to hear, but Benji meant them. She was his priority. Now at fifteen, and someday at eighty. "I'm sorry if I made you feel any differently." He didn't wait for permission, dropping to one knee, and holding up the ring he'd made his uncle spend a fortune on.

"Ruth Anaya Burke, will you marry me?"

Someday, when he did it from his heart, he would call her by her real name.

This. Was. Mortifying.

If Rae could slip through the floor, she would. Being paraded around hadn't been enough. No. Roger Burke wanted to drag out the moment for as long as humanly possible. The man had effortlessly managed to turn what should have been whimsical and magical--a declaration that melted her insides and made her fall in love again--and turned it into this humiliating spectacle she was forced to stand through.

Just how many times did they plan to ruin the same moment before it was finally enough? How severely did she have to resent the very thought of her proposal before the universe became ready to fixate on something else?

It wasn't that she wasn't happy about Benji's promise. In another mood, alone, focusing only on each other, it would've probably brought the girl to tears she'd later deny. She would be over the moon about his eyes being only for her after all the girls that had come and gone.

Instead, she felt uncomfortable.

Rae found herself wondering where the heart started and the performance ended. It had been her greatest fear when Benji first told her they would make him propose. Sincere, contrived, the girl wanted to believe she knew the difference, but doubt had already been planted. The way he looked at her made her want to believe, but every defence she'd built refused to let her. Not there, not in that lofty castle where everyone wore different faces and all that awaited them were expectations.

"You'll always come first, you'll always be the one I stand for against everyone else."

Maybe she would cry anyway, mourning her inability to take his words the way she so desperately hoped he meant them. But she didn't. There were no tears in those dark chocolate eyes, only sorrowful resignation that...just maybe...she would never be allowed to have special moments anymore.

Every second would be orchestrated by someone else, whether she chose to follow along or not. They would bulldoze ahead, tearing down her every reasonable expectation and replacing them with mandates.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel any differently."

Oh, Merlin, he was on his knees.

Get up. Get up. Get up.

She couldn't breathe. Rae tried to pull away from her father's grasp in a last-ditch effort to remove herself from this spiralling nightmare. It was no use. As Benji extended the box and hazel irises rose, Rae felt the man's hand tighten at her shoulder.

"Ruth Anaya Burke, will you marry me?"

Burke.

A dull knife twisting in her chest couldn't have hurt more. Rae felt the unsavoury word wring her insides, unable to look at the ring. In this proposal, she couldn't even have her name. She turned her head away, wanting no part in any of that. It didn't take any time at all for her silence to become unacceptable. Her father's fingers dug painfully into her shoulder. He'd had enough of their rebellion for the night and wanted it all over, perhaps as much as she did.

Rae forced her gaze back to Benji. It wasn't his fault, but it still hurt.

"I will."

There. She'd said it. Now let it end.