Teenage Dirtbag | Bean

December 3, 1920
Breakfast

"Hello Sneaks."

Benji slid into the bench of the Gryffindor table, directly across from Morgan Barlowe. It was breakfast - pancakes and eggs, specifically - and the boy was hungry. Normally, he had breakfast either alone or with Alice if she was at the Hufflepuff table. Sometimes Matilda, rarely Rae. Today, it was going to be Morgan.

Since his second year and her first - namely in February of those terms, the two had hardly spoken to one another, keeping a respectable distance. It was his fault, he knew, despite trying to apologize to her for...everything. Things he preferred not to think about if he had the option.

But the school was smaller now, and he had just about enough of pretending she was someone he hadn't cared about. She had been his friend, her and that lizard of hers, and their parents were best friends too. Their paths had crossed plenty, and while it had been awkward, he was of the mind to make it less so now.

He grabbed a plate, setting it down in front of himself and speared two pancakes and a spoonful of eggs for himself. "Having a good morning?" he asked. He reached for the butter to spread across his pancakes, taking care each one got just the right amount, before drizzling the syrup all over them.

"Where's your lizard?" he asked, looking around, as he popped a strawberry in his mouth from the community bowl. What was that thing's name again? "Jerry?"

"Hello Sneaks."

Morgan narrowed her eyes at her plate upon the familiar voice and nickname. She’d been trying to avoid Benji for – well, honestly, she couldn’t even remember how long. So much had happened since ‘the event’, that she just didn’t even want to be near him. She’d move away if he stood too close, give him the least amount of attention if he spoke to her.

But also, Morgan had slept like absolute shit the night before; it was nearing the holidays and her second Christmas without her mum was approaching quickly. She’d become more withdrawn in the past week – as if December itself was cursed.

Instead of moving away this time, that took too much energy. Morgan shrugged slightly and picked up a slice of bacon. She wasn’t in a good mood; it was early and after tossing and turning all night, she just wanted to go back to bed. She’d considered doing just that, but decided not to. Her dad would find out. He’d be mad.

She hated making him mad.

Morgan saw, out of her peripheral vision, that Benji had made himself at home across from her; he’d made a plate of food for himself and she just wished he’d go away. She needed caffeine. Caffeine helped her manage and get through when she was feeling down.

Concerning? Probably.

"Having a good morning?"

Morgan shrugged and took another bite of her bacon, her green eyes still glued on her plate. She’d been so close to Benji when she first came to Hogwarts, just for him to flush that down the damn toilet. Then she’d been humiliated and heart broken. And while the little Lion claimed bravery, that had been a hit she was having a hard time recovering from.

"Where's your lizard? Jerry?"

Closing her eyes briefly, Morgan then directed her line of sight at Benji. “His name is David... you know that,” she commented, her voice a bit monotone. Perhaps she should go to the hospital wing. Maybe there was a potion the Head Nurse could give her to snap her out of whatever cloud this was.

“I dunno, he’s probably catching flies right now,” she said and sighed, taking another bite of her bacon.

She shrugged. That was all.

To be honest, Benji hadn't expected much more. It had been nearly two years of this. Shrugs and sideways glances. He deserved it. But he was also tired of it, and he was adamant that he and Morgan Barlowe were going to be friends again, if he had to stalk her to make it happen.

“His name is David... you know that.”

Ahhh David. That was his name. The thing that screamed at him like a bloody banshee every time he came near. For awhile, Morgan had insisted that David was Benji's son. It was an odd thing to think that a lizard could be his offspring, and as charming as Morgan was about it, he and David had both decidedly agreed, they did not care for the forced relation.

“I dunno, he’s probably catching flies right now,”

Benji nodded, his eyebrows coming together in thought as he brought his breakfast tea to his lips for a long sip. "So...you don't like, carry him around then anymore? Probably a good thing. Made people's ears bleed." He gave her a little grin, taking another swig before setting his mug down and spearing off some of the pancakes.

"So, what's going on with you? You seem down today."

Surely it wasn't just his presence?

"So...you don't like, carry him around then anymore? Probably a good thing. Made people's ears bleed."

Green eyes were rolled, and Morgan took another bite of her bacon. It was only Benji that the toad had screamed at; he seemed to be fine with everyone else.

"So, what's going on with you? You seem down today."

He was quite observant. She finally looked at him as she dropped her piece of bacon and picked up her glass of pumpkin juice. She took a sip and shook her head, then shrugged when she set it down.

Morgan didn’t want to talk to Benji about what was going on. But the thought of even going through with this holiday season without her mum, she wouldn’t get a break. No, her baby brother’s birthday was on her mum’s birthday. So that blob would be a constant reminder of what she didn’t have.

Sure, she didn’t agree with how her mum handled the situation with her dad, but she still loved her. “I just hate the stupid holidays,” she finally said after a moment, picking up her slice of bacon again.

During her first year, before her mum died, Morgan had been thrilled for Christmas. So this statement - that she hated the holidays - was definitely not something that was normal. And Benji would know. And she knew that he would know and likely would pick up on it.

That said, even the previous summer had been a bummer for her. Her mum was everywhere and in everything. Usually Morgan was better at hiding her grief, but it was hard.

If Benji had learned anything about Morgan in the past two years of knowing her, it was that she wasn’t a bottler. If anything, the girl wore her heart on her sleeve, openly and proudly and no one ever had to question where they stood with her or how she felt. She didn’t mince words, and she wasn’t afraid to be herself.

So to see her sitting there, not even summoning enough will to tell him to fuck off or something, told him that everything definitely wasn’t alright.

“I just hate the stupid holidays,”

Oh.

Oooh.

Right.

It was that time of year, and she…yeah.

He knew. Everyone knew. Julia and Professor Barlowe were best friends. He had it on good authority that they shared a lot with one another - certainly that Morgan’s mum had died awhile back. At the time, when Julia had told him, he and Morgan hadn’t been on speaking terms. And while he’d wanted to approach her and offer his friendship and comfort, it hadn’t seemed appropriate considering…everything.

Of course the holidays were rough for her. Benji hadn’t ever lost a parent to death. He’d never really had them, until Julia. But he knew if he lost her…well,..

“I’m sorry, Sneaks.” It was quiet, lacking any of his usual cheek or snark. Just genuine sympathy and concern for the girl he’d considered his friend. “Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes talking helps, yeah?”

Sometimes. Benji had learned over the summer that discussing his feelings wasn’t anything he enjoyed doing, but it was something that at least got all the ugliness he usually buried out in the open.

He picked up the tray of bacon and forked over another two slices for her.

“I’m sorry, Sneaks.”

Morgan could hear the concern in Benji’s voice, and she nearly burst into tears at that. She’d never heard him speak like that, especially not to her, and her mouth contorted into a frown as she turned her eyes down to her plate.

“Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes talking helps, yeah?”

“No,” she responded without even thinking, looking at him with eyes somewhat wide. Then she quickly looked away, diverting her gaze away from Benji. Talking… she didn’t want to talk. Not about her mum.

Not about how much she had hated her mum for keeping her father from her. Not about how she wished she could hug her one last time. Not about how badly she wanted to apologize one last time.

Along with the grief, Morgan felt immense guilt. She’d been unkind to her mum after Maddox came into her life. She couldn’t forgive the woman for keeping this other part of her secret, so in her first year she rarely went home to her. Holidays were spent mostly with her father and her cousins and aunts. But now?

Morgan would give anything to wake up Christmas morning with her mum; the both of them bundled up in the most comfy of jammies ever, with warm mugs of hot cocoa by the fire.

That’d never happen again. All that Morgan had now was memories. And memories, while they were precious, they hardly did shit to make her feel better.

“Talking is no good,” she added, and looked back down at her plate, where he’d deposited two more slices of bacon. She sighed and pushed the plate away. She wasn’t hungry. She’d been going through the motions of eating.

“No.”

Okay. Sometimes that's just how it was. He couldn't force Morgan to talk, nor did he want to. Benji was the type of boy who knew better than try and push people in directions they didn't want to go, for the simple fact he wasn't someone who could be pushed either. He knew good and well that nothing came from forcing conversation - especially hard ones - before someone was ready.

Though he could see it in the brief flash of her eyes meeting his, her pain wasn't his to claim, and so he nodded, tucking into his own breakfast. Sometimes it just helped to have someone sit quietly. He could do that right?

She shoved her plate away, and he helped himself to the bacon he'd just deposited there. If she wasn't going to eat it, there was no reason for it to go to waste.

“Talking is no good.”

"Yeah," he answered quietly with a slight shrug, "We don't have to. But you should eat anyway." He pushed the tray of toast towards her, a slice of her bacon hanging from his teeth.