Roufas was not excited to be here. Hogwarts as a student had suited him just fine, but now at his age and after the career he'd had, it certainly was not where he had planned to end up. Roufas had been cajoled into taking this position, teaching of all things in his retirement. He stood outside her office door. It was not a reunion he relished having as the last time they had been together, she had tried to curse his boots to kick him in his own ass. To be fair, maybe he had deserved a bit of it. Roufas had come to realize over the years that he had not handled things well. Ruby and he had both been much younger, working together. He had trained her in her time as a junior Auror, and she had been vulnerable with him. They'd grown close, working together. She had saved his skin more than once, and he hers in turn. They were partners.
Alas, like every positive thing in Roufas' life, it had not been destined to last. Roufas had transferred to another assignment, rather abruptly, leaving Ruby to her own devices. But, she had done well it seemed. Roufas had known she would be fine without him, she was capable and tenacious. As an Auror, she was second to none and had some of the best skills he had ever seen, maybe even better than his own in some cases. So, thinking back over the long years and events that had led him to this moment, there Roufas stood. In front of a closed office door.
Roufas had arrived early, knowing this unpleasant yet necessary meeting would have to happen. Ruby only knew that her new Charms professor would be meeting with her this afternoon. She had not been informed as to whom was accepting the position. A friend of Roufas' in the ministry had requested he take the posting. Hogwarts was a mess, the previous headmaster had made an awful mess, and it needed to be cleaned up. Roufas was told that the Ministry would view it as a singular favor if he were to accept the position as Charms professor and put another capable and trustworthy body into the school. He was also told it would be good for him, something to breathe some life back into him after years of rough living as an Auror, not to mention his time in the War. So, Roufas stood there before Headmistress Ruby Haswell's closed office door, leaning heavily on his cane, wondering just what he might say, what she might say. Seeing her was not altogether an unpleasant thought, he HAD missed her. Perhaps the best idea was to treat it like ripping off a bandage.
Sighing heavily, Roufas knocked at the door awaiting a response from within.
The past month or so had been a whirlwind; Ruby looked around her office at Hogwarts, unable to believe she was here. And not just here, but as the damn Headmistress. Of course, she had jumped at the opportunity, but it was strange being specifically in this office. And knowing that it was hers?
Ruby had attempted to, in her downtime between corresponding with concerned parents and attempting to fix the random magical messes that kept popping up, set up her office to be exactly how she preferred. Purple was the main color, surprising for the die-hard Gryffindor she had always been. But purple was luxurious and she felt balanced around it. Large windows surrounded the office, and the wood of her desk was extremely dark, like a dark chocolate.
She looked once again at the time, then down at her schedule book she had laid out on her desk. She had a meeting with the new Charms professor, who would also be taking the mantle of being Head of House for the Gryffindors. As a former Lion herself, she had high expectations for this person.
When the knock at the door drew her attention, she silently opened it with a silent wave of her wand and stood up, a smile on her face. “Hello, and welcome to –”
Ruby’s voice abruptly stopped and her smile faded. She froze in her spot as flashes of memories invaded her brain. She blinked once… twice… and then sat back down in her seat, clearing her throat. She motioned to the purple velvet chair on the other side of her desk. “I am surprised to see you here, Bourne,” she commented cooly, writing his name down on the list of faculty and staff she was compiling – a reference guide of sorts.
Thankfully she had plenty of training in uncomfortable circumstances, so while inside she may be panicking a bit, he would not be able to tell at all.
The office door swung open silently, and Roufas stepped inside, leaning heavily on his cane as he walked. It wasn't something he'd had, nor needed the last time Ruby had seen him, and he didn't relish her seeing him limp across the threshold into her office.
“Hello, and welcome to –” she began, then seeing him, her face fell as a look of what he thought was pure contempt crossed her features. “I am surprised to see you here, Bourne,” she commented in a tone that threatened to form icicles in the room. That prim, proper, thoroughly British bearing shone through in a way Roufas knew all too well. It was a facade, a mask that she wore. It was the face most people saw regularly, and something that Roufas at one point had known how to see past. Sighing heavily, Roufas made his way to the chair that Ruby motioned to, settling himself in it comfortably. This would be the uncomfortable part.
"I didn't exactly wanna be here, but here I am. It's good seeing you Ruby. Been a long time kid," Roufas commented. He looked around the spacious office, taking everything in. It was a lot of purple. Roufas wouldn't have opted for something so...opulent, he thought to himself, resting both hands on his cane as he sat there, trying to little avail to read the expression on the Headmistress' face. There was nothing there, just cold expressionless, emotionless calm. The woman must have ice water in her veins, which wouldn't be surprising. Roufas always had taught her to keep her cool. He was glad to see that after all this time, she still kept her wits about her.
Roufas took a small flask from the pocket of the canvas duster he wore, uncapping it, and taking a healthy swig. The bourbon warmed him deep inside. The rich caramel notes played on his tongue, with a bit of a burn. "Its uh, medicinal," he added as he tucked the flask back in his inside pocket. It was fall in the Scottish Highlands, and the weather played hell with his old wounds. As the bourbon settled into his belly warmly, the throbbing pain in his leg seemed to fade ever so slightly.
"It seems, Headmistress, that we will be working together...again," Roufas drawled languidly. Professor Roufas Bourne reporting for duty, ma'am," he said as he made a show of dramatically tipping his hat and speaking in a tone dripping with his trademark sarcasm. It wasn't meant in a bad way, and he suspected she would see right to the heart of that. Roufas truly did wonder what the future might bring. He wondered to himself if he and Ruby might make amends for his past mistakes, and perhaps he might, just might learn to once again see past the icy exterior of Ruby Haswell.
It was as if the Minister was playing a sick joke on her; choosing Roufas Bourne of all people to come to the castle to help rebuild when she became Headmistress. Wylder didn’t know, of course, but she couldn’t help but to curse him in her thoughts nonetheless.
From her seat, Ruby watched as her former mentor and ex… whatever he had been… hobbled into her office. She took stock of the cane that he used, wondering what injury required that help to walk. She crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes following him as he took the seat in front of her.
"I didn't exactly wanna be here, but here I am. It's good seeing you Ruby. Been a long time kid."
‘Kid’. She’d hated that nickname then, and she hated it now – twenty years later. Yes, he was her superior and was still older than her, but to be called ‘kid’.. It was insulting. At least from her point of view. Her face remained still though, the thoughts invading her brain but not affecting her exterior at all.
Walls that he had broken down long ago had rebuilt themselves in the split second after he entered her office. She would reinforce them this time. He sipped from a flask and she raised her brow. A cripple who used spirits as medicine?
Interesting.
"It seems, Headmistress, that we will be working together...again. Professor Roufas Bourne reporting for duty, ma'am."
Tipped hat, canvas duster… She was sure he was wearing boots. Nothing had changed, except perhaps the limp, the cane, and gray hair she was sure was under his hat somewhere. His scent wafted around her – woodsy, slightly flowery – enveloping her, and almost transported her back to the nights she had spent with him in his cabin, in the mountains on his family’s land.
Nope. She wasn’t going to wax poetic about that. That had been twenty years ago. Like steel. She could be like steel.
“Well, I suppose you’ll be as good as anyone else,” she responded, looking down at her notes. Maybe he’d be better? She knew him and knew his work ethic. He was dedicated, if nothing else. After a moment of silence, Ruby looked across her desk at him. “Did the Ministry give you the full status of things here?” she asked, hoping that they had.
Honestly, every day she discovered a new thing that Holloway had destroyed during his experiments. “We have had a lot of… wild magic,” she added, watching him. Where were his thoughts? Were they in the present, or in the past?
Ruby looked to Roufas as if she had not aged a day in the twice wrought decades that loomed between them, as if they were separated by walls made of days, hours, minutes and seconds. There were chronological parapets between them. Worst of all there was the gulf between them Roufas had himself created, lengthening and deepening it with his choice to abandon her. Roufas sat in the comfortable chair before Ruby taking the sight of her in, something inside him stirring. It was familiar, warm, and quite bright. Seeing Ruby there filled Roufas with a brightness and light that he had not felt in a very long time indeed.
“Well, I suppose you’ll be as good as anyone else,” She said coldly. . “Did the Ministry give you the full status of things here? We have had a lot of… wild magic,” she continued, seeming maybe a little less cold and guarded, as if she knew above all else he would do his best to help, but her cold demeanor still stung.
Roufas caught the scent of her perfume. It was a bright, fruity and floral scent that triggered memories. In an instant, Roufas found himself transported back to that cabin, high in the mountains. The bitter cold wind howled outside, snow and sleet hammering the one room sanctuary that Ruby and Roufas found themselves escaping to more and more frequently. What had begun as a purely professional relationship had...changed. The months together, working tirelessly had pushed them together. The sleepless nights spent making case after case had sewn the seeds of something more, an entanglement. It grew unchecked and rapidly. Then, the War had begun. Roufas knew he had a duty. His place was in service of his country, and Ruby's country as well if the truth were told. He shook that night, sitting there and making the words come forth. Platitudes, such as it not being right from the beginning, the age difference, and both of them having careers and responsibilities were the things he had told her. Responsibilities...
Twenty years had given Roufas time enough to think of his responsibilities, and the responsibility to Ruby that he had altogether avoided, like a coward. He could claim whatever reasons he wanted, but Roufas knew the truth of the matter. It had haunted him ever since that winter night Ruby had disapparated from the cabin for the final time, leaving him there clutching a bottle of rich, caramel colored, vanilla tasting bourbon, sipping it until the sun crept up over the snow crusted peaks surrounding the cabin. Roufas had been terrified, of so many things.
"I was given a full Wizengamot briefing before I came to the Castle, I am well aware of the goings on and happenings the previous administration brought about. I'm not too worried. I am here to help," Roufas said with his best attempt at a genuine and warm smile, despite the tempest of emotion roiling inside him just then. This was not a conversation he was ready to have, but it would be had none the less, and hopefully sooner rather than later...but not just yet.
Roufas stood, tipping his hat again. "I have some business in London, a few things I would like to get in order before the start of term. We...certainly have our work cut out for us," he said as he turned to the door, moving to leave. He stopped short of the threshold, standing tall but not turning back. "And Ruby, I am sorrier than you might ever know..." and with that, he continued out the door without another word, silently willing it shut behind him.
"I was given a full Wizengamot briefing before I came to the Castle. I am well aware of the goings on and happenings the previous administration brought about. I'm not too worried. I am here to help."
He smiled, and Ruby recognized it – though it was a bit less genuine. It was weighted down a bit, and that told her all that she needed to know. He was thinking about them, about their past, and what they could have had. She clenched her jaw shut, unwilling to let the thoughts consume her and distract her from her job.
The man stood, like a giant before her – a full foot – and her blue eyes watched him move. He tipped his hat again, like the cowboy that he was. There was something in that small gesture that stirred something inside of her.
"I have some business in London, a few things I would like to get in order before the start of term. We...certainly have our work cut out for us."
He turned and made his way to the door. She stood up, her hands pressed to the top of the desk. She could still picture the scars on his back, ones she had memorized and used to trace with her finger tips. She should say something, but what? Ruby hadn’t been the one to mess up all those years ago. It was not her place to say something.
"And Ruby, I am sorrier than you might ever know..."
He had paused at the door and Ruby watched, his words hitting her heart hard. She knew he was sorry; she knew that everything he did was not out of malice. It was out of duty. He was honorable, and she had told him not to bother writing to her while he was gone.
Mostly because it hurt so much.
And now he was back in her life, though she hadn’t invited him. He apologized and she – how was she supposed to react? She wasn’t going to run to him as if nothing had happened. She’d done fine by herself all these years.
Ruby clenched her jaw again, narrowing her eyes, her defenses coming back up. “Are you? Sorry, I mean,” she asked, her voice tight, after he had taken a step out of her office. Did she want to know? Probably not.
She should just let him leave, do whatever he had to do in London. But in a way, she’d rather keep him here and argue with him rather than let him go.
Roufas stopped as Ruby pursued him out her door, sighing heavily with eyes squeezed shut as the words hit him like being shot in the back. In fact her words made him feel as if he might rather have been shot in the back. “Are you? Sorry, I mean,” she had called after him. It was like she didn't believe him, or worse, that she did believe him and her own anger and hurt wouldn't allow her to accept it. Roufas turned to her and immediately regretted doing so.
Roufas had always been stopped in his tracks when it came to Ruby Haswell's beauty. At first it'd merely been an uncomfortable fact of life. They'd been assigned to work together as partners for a time. During those early days she'd merely been a formidable woman, a beautiful one who'd impressed him at every turn. Roufas had done his best to not allow himself the luxury of even imagining there might be more for so long, but eventually the long hours turned into days which became weeks, months, and eventually they'd turned around and realized one day that they'd worked together for years.
Ruby Haswell, the woman he worked with, their relation having the humblest of beginnings in Roufas' mind had slowly disarmed him. She'd been a friend first, someone he trusted implicitly. Then her mere presence had become a soothing force in his life. The young woman he had been impressed with became something entirely different in his life. It was improper, of course and they'd both known it. It was another form of liability, of course, and their superiors would whisper about it behind their backs, certainly. Roufas had realized that after walking the line for so long, being a good soldier, following every order, making every sacrifice asked that he no longer cared. And then the war came. New threats, new enemies, and new responsibilities. He knew his place was fighting that war, and he knew there was every chance he might not make it home. Back then, Roufas had been willing to die a dozen times over in service of others, and nothing had changed about that, but he would be damned if it' d be the thing that broke Ruby. And so, he had broken her in a different way, a controlled way, a way that he felt like she might just survive.
Roufas turned, looking Ruby in the eyes. He removed his hat, holding it in his hands. Roufas hardly removed his hat, it was a part of him. Roufas without his hat would be akin to a train conductor without his watch. This was a gesture of profound remorse intended to highlight the words that followed.
"Youre damned well right, i'm sorry. You think I wanted to leave? I was happy, Ruby. I traded the only really good thing in my life, the only person who gave me stability, warmth and comfort for this, lifting his cane off the floor and holding it between them. "God help me Ruby, it was a mistake. It was an awful one, but I made it because ill be damned if I was going to make a war widow of you," Roufas spat frustratedly. The strain of living every day with what he'd realized was the wrong choice years ago bubbled to the surface as Roufas clenched the cane bitterly. He hated that cane. It was something he relied upon, and it helped him through his day, and he bitterly hated that damned cane because it also was his ever-present reminder of that which he had lost--no, that wasn't right. It was a constant reminder of that which he had foolishly given up in a misguided effort to avoid hurting the woman that he'd fallen in love with.
The vulnerability they both had shared back then was unforgettable. They had known everything about each other, once they crossed that boundary from mentor and mentee to lovers. She’d fallen hard and fast, recklessly not caring what those above them had to say about their relationship.
She watched as he stopped at the door, and bit her lip gently. The second that his hat came off, and she could see his hair was no longer just brown but a salt and peppery color from years of life, she wished she’d just kept her damn mouth shut. His eyes met hers and she desperately wanted to look away, however she couldn’t.
"Youre damned well right, I'm sorry. You think I wanted to leave? I was happy, Ruby. I traded the only really good thing in my life, the only person who gave me stability, warmth and comfort for this.”
Her eyes fell on his cane. She frowned – though she already wasn’t smiling to begin with – his words hitting her heart hard.
But that isn’t what hit her the hardest, no. That came next.
"God help me Ruby, it was a mistake. It was an awful one, but I made it because I'll be damned if I was going to make a war widow of you."
Surprise crossed her face, though she did her best to not let it appear that obviously as she could. Her eyes widened only a bit, her mouth opened very slightly and a gasp was there, but he wouldn’t hear it.
Back then she had wanted everything with him. Ruby had ended up alone because no one else existed that she wanted to be with. All of it had been in front of her, until the war called him away. He was as much to blame as she was, telling him not to bother writing to her. In fact, he may have, for all she knew, because her owl had strict orders to not deliver anything from him.
If only that damn war hadn’t happened, then things would have been different. Her life would have been different. Would she have ended up living in America? It was highly possible. But instead she closed her heart off and focused her life on work and ensuring the Haswell name remained to carry the same weight her father had secured for it.
And him referring to her as a war widow... or refusing to make her one… whatever… Ruby’s stomach did a flip, like the phrase had assaulted her very being. She closed her mouth, reset her face to its normal, unreadable expression.
“Stability, comfort, and warmth? Ironic, considering you left me in the cold,” she said in response. Her heart hurt, along with her head. She needed some wine to wash away the memories Roufas’ presence brought back.
She willed him to leave.
“Stability, comfort, and warmth? Ironic, considering you left me in the cold,” she said. The words stung like some icy dagger plunged into his heart as Roufas stood there. It was a hurt he felt deep within his soul and in a physical sense simultaneously, and he offered no defense of himself. He deserved it, every last bit, and more for what he had done to Ruby. Roufas held his hat in his hand, gently pushing the door to. Roufas had wanted to grab ahold of her, and never let go. He wanted desperately to apologize a thousand times a thousand times if that is what it took, but he didn't. Roufas sensed so much hurt in Ruby at that moment and knew she needed her space. Turning away from the gently closed door, Roufas walked away down the hall, his cane clicking hollowly against the hewn stone floor, his heart heavier than it'd been in years and yet hopeful.
Roufas couldn't undo the past but he could be of service. He could be present. And, so he would be.
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