Look After You | Rossian

Saturday, September 11, 1920
6:00 PM
♫

It was one of the daily walks they'd gotten into the habit of last week after Rosie had insisted they spend more lighthearted time together, chatting and sharing their days as often as they could.

After the previous term they'd had, where the world constantly felt like it was closing in on them, she had been determined they find that sweet spot, where they laughed and talked and just enjoyed each other's company again.

It had been a good idea in theory, but as Rosalie was learning, happy and easy times just meant the other shoe hadn't dropped yet.

He was jabbering, in that endearing way he always did when something new had caught his interest. She was doing her best to appear attentive and interested as they walked hand in hand down the steps towards the boathouse, despite the way her stomach was cramping in on itself. She pulled her sweater a little tighter around her, her eyes staring ahead at the lake as Cassian's voice muddled into a far-away sound that she couldn't decipher.

It was fitting that they were heading to the boathouse. It seemed the majority of their important moments had happened in this very spot - make or break moments that they had come through every time.

She wasn't sure they'd come through this one.

Cassian didn't know it, but Rosie had been keeping a secret the better part of a week now. Not, on purpose really. She'd been waiting to see how things would play out and the more it seemed certain, the less calm she was remaining about the entire situation.

Actually, if she were being honest, she was absolutely panicking beneath the surface, and she was absolutely ready for him to panic with her, if nothing else so she wasn't alone in her anxiety.

"Do...do you wanna maybe take a boat out?" Her voice was shaking, and she wasn't sure if she'd interrupted his rambling, but standing here in the boathouse now, it seemed the most logical. She'd get him out in the water where no one could overhear them...and he couldn't run away. Not that he ever had before, but, this talk seemed like the one he might.

"Come on, help me untie one?" She dropped his hand and hurried towards the closest boat's rope.

"...So then I had to scour the small library in Ravenclaw because I figured, if the second and third volumes were there, I had a decent chance of finding the fourth..."

Cassian was lost in a tangent of his own making, spurred on by the excitement of his latest read. It was a miracle find, in truth. The first had been in the library, the second he chanced upon over the weekend, and then it all became more deliberate. While he wouldn't call it an obsession, the account of Christophe Hans and his trek through the perilous African peaks offered no end to the boy's curiosity. So many relics had been uncovered, so many near-death experiences that tested not only his magic but his grit.

The last he'd read teased of a cave, rumoured to be cursed, containing an artefact long lost to wizarding kind, but Hans was a devil of a man who knew how to sell books. The last ended at the mouth of the cave, the man peering into the foreboding darkness while the distant sound of pained cries echoed through the high walls.

"I've been cross-checking maps, trying to verify how accurate he's been--it'd make sense he lied about some of this, wouldn't it? Half the stuff he's described, he'd be a madman to leave so many details in case someone else," like him, "tried to follow."

It wasn't until they'd entered and were halfway to the other side of the boathouse that Cassian registered they were there. The boy blinked a few times, trying to orient himself to his surroundings even while he continued on, albeit at a slower pace, to free up some processing space for his brain. By now, the place had become one of their regular haunts. The place where it all started had become a familiar haven where they sometimes did their homework, chatted, or just needed a little getaway together. It wasn't nearly as frequented as the rooftops, but it still held its charms.

"But I reckon he's--"

"Come on, help me untie one?"

Oh. Were they going somewhere? They'd been doing a lot more casual couple-y things of late, on Rosie's insistence. Not related to plays or practice for a sport they no longer had. Nothing to do with either of their families or punishment, just nice walks, chats, and the occasional adventure. It was a nice change of pace after the intensity of the previous year, and the boy had no complaints.

"Uh...sure."

Cassian moved over to the rope, nudging her back so he could untie it while he gestured for her to get in. In a more pensive mood, the boy may have noticed how reticent Rosie was being, but his mind was locked on that damned cave and whoever the hell might have been screaming in it. Against his best scepticism, a lot of his own extra reading suggested the locations did exist.

Cass pushed the boat out a bit before hopping in. He settled opposite her, taking hold of the oars. "I'd have packed us snacks if you'd told me you wanted a date."

He was still yammering on, and she really did want to be invested in...whatever it was he was talking about. She'd caught little bits of something about a cave, but if he suddenly quizzed her on his lecture, she'd fail miserably and apologize just as profusely.

She was usually a great audience for Cassian's fixations, but today they were all going to have to be put on the backburner once she got him out in the middle of that lake. In fact, she was fairly certain once she dropped her bomb on him, he'd probably forget every book he'd ever read.

She certainly couldn't recall having read a single book in the entirety of her sixteen years at this point.

"I'd have packed us snacks if you'd told me you wanted a date."

Yeah, whatever.

Rosalie didn't really register the sweetness of his words as she settled into the seat opposite him, her nerves firing off at a hundred miles an hour now. The only date she was thinking of was the one that could have possibly caused all of this.

As Cassian rowed them out of the boat house and into the lake, she was quiet, her leg bouncing erratically the entire way. She tried to keep her breathing even and steady, being prone to hyperventilating in the past. The day she'd sat in the gardens with Cassian and confessed that he had her heart she had nearly passed out before she'd gotten the words out.

"Cass," she said anxiously when she felt they'd gotten far enough out, and she swallowed hard before bringing his eyes to his. There were so many emotions flowing through her, she didn't know which ones to reconcile with and which ones to push away. All she knew was that whatever was about to happen next scared the hell out of her.

"Something happened. A-And...we have to talk about it."

As if on cue, Rosalie's heart began hammering away in protest against her chest.

Ahh, it really was a beautiful evening to be out on the lake, wasn't it?

Cass hadn't been anticipating this impromptu trip, but the further out he rowed them, the more the calm that settled above the dark waters permeated the boat. There was a lightness in the boy's chest as he watched the shore get further and further away. His girlfriend had really had the right idea with her proposal, and while he continued to get back into the swing of all the things he had to do, these little breaks were restorative. They forced the often overly excited boy to slow down.

He inhaled the fresh air, already feeling his muscles loosening despite the effort he exerted to keep them moving. "We should do this more...often..."

His voice trailed, the boy catching sight of the way her legs shook. For the first time since they'd exited the large double doors of the entrance hall and set off across the grounds, Cassian was paying attention.

Suddenly, it was all he could do.

"Cass."

He felt his heart drop into his stomach. Cass couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Rosie like this, and he could already feel a growing sense of dread creeping up on him. Had something happened? Was it her father? He remembered the letters she'd written over the summer...about what they'd wanted her to do...but...that was behind them...wasn't it? She'd already told them she wouldn't.

The Ravenclaw knew it wouldn't be that simple. They must've just been biding their time. And now?

"Something happened. A-And...we have to talk about it."

Shit. Cassian abandoned the oars, moving to take a seat next to her on her side. Brown eyes pooled immediately with concern and a tinge of panic he was only barely managing to contain.

"Rosie...talk to me. What's wrong?"

Inhale.

She had to remind herself to breathe. Her lungs sat on the edge of revolt, her head spinning with the lightheaded result of a lack of oxygen to her brain. He was finally looking at her, seeing the panic that she was unable to hide on her own features, now mirroring in his.

Exhale.

She scooted over slightly to give him space on the seat next to her, gripping the edge of the bench as the boat rocked beneath his movements. It was so quiet and peaceful out here. The lake was still as glass, aside from the ripples spreading outward from their boat. The sun, still warm with the last of summer was beginning to sink over the western horizon, and all at once, Rosie felt the serious weight of everything bearing down on her.

"Rosie...talk to me. What's wrong?"

Shit.

“Um,” she patted her hands on her knees, trying to find the right way to say it, and coming up woefully short. In truth, she was terrified of his reaction. What he would say, how he would handle it. Cassian wasn’t one who handled shocking news well. He usually either flat out panicked like she did, and she could see he was already halfway there, or he got angry and started trying to rationalize everything.

“I think we…” she trailed off. No, that wasn’t the right way. Another approach. “What I mean is…”

Nope. Wrong again. She needed to deliver this eloquently, calmly, rationally.

“You - and me - “ Yes. Them. She needed to continue. The words had to spill out of her mouth somehow. Eventually. Before nine months was up, preferably.

“Um. I think…I mean I know…”

She was really dragging this out now. Not on purpose, she told herself. She just needed a moment to gather her thoughts and -

“I think I’m having a baby.” Blue eyes widened in terror, her whole body shaking now with stress and the gravity of what just came flying out of her mouth. Did he need clarification? Probably.

“Your baby.”

As a rule, the longer Rosie took to spit out whatever she’d clearly taken them out on the lake to say, the more tightly wound the boy became. There was no end to the scenarios that played out in his mind, each worse than the last, all things he immediately prayed prayers wouldn’t be the case. Had she been hurt? Had something happened in the final weeks of summer that she hadn’t felt she could talk about before now?

“I think we… What I mean is…”

We? Them? Something they’d done…? Something they were going to have to do? No, it couldn’t have been the latter. Rosie had said only moments ago that ‘something happened’. Whatever it was, it had already been done and they’d have no other choice but to face it.

Oh, Merlin. Had her parents found out he’d snuck into their home? His father hadn’t sent him any howlers insinuating he’d been made aware of that but…the two…hadn’t done anything else?

It didn’t take very long for Cassian to decide he didn’t like this waiting game. Her retracted sentences and general fidgeting caused his body to flood with the sort of adrenaline you used to narrowly escape the jaws of a vicious dragon. It was the uncomfortable kind of adrenaline that likely could see him running on the glassy surface of the black lake, Rosie over his shoulder, sprinting all the way up to the towers without breaking a sweat.

”You.”

Him?

“And me.”

Them, yes. He’d gotten that much.

“You’re killing me, gorgeous. I don’t know if my heart can take much more of this.”

“I think I’m having a baby. Your baby.”

…

……

All the colour drained from the boy’s face at once, his skin going white as a sheet while Rosie’s words played over and over in his ears—as if the first time hearing them hadn’t been enough. For several, drawn out seconds, Cassian’s mouth remained stubbornly shut. He couldn’t pry his lips apart if he tried—and try he did. That mild churning in his stomach that warned of impending disaster had graduated to a full on assault on his insides. He could feel his stomach twisting as ‘his baby’ played on repeat.


Oh, god. Oh, goooooood. Fuck. Shit. His head was spinning. He needed to sit down. Wait. Shit. He was already sitting. The boy began to wonder how it could’ve happened before quickly shutting it down with his own recollection.

His father was going to kill him if he didn’t drop dead first.

Cass ran both hands through his messy curls, exhaling deeply while he did his ever-loving best not to pass out there in that boat. “Shit,” he muttered, unable to think of anything more useful while his body descended into shock. “Holy shit. Rosie. Shit.”

He took several more deep breaths before finally forcing his gaze to her. ”You’re sure?” She…she could be wrong, yeah?

The silence following her confession was more than the girl was prepared to endure. As she watched all the blood drain from Cassian’s face, she followed his unmoving expression, trying to infer any sort of reaction aside from obvious shock. She tried to be patient, reminding herself that she’d had a good week to try and wrap her head around this, and still hadn’t. She could give her boyfriend the better part of thirty seconds before she -

“Okay you need to say something!” The words sputtered out of her lips at lightning speed before she could stop them. Anything. She needed him to say anything. Even something angry or unhelpful so that she didn’t have to marinate in this silence.

“Shit. Holy shit. Rosie. Shit.”

Yep. That had been about the gist of the vocabulary she’d managed for the better part of the day. When she’d realized her monthly wasn’t coming, despite her hopes and denial over the past week, curse words were about the only ones in the English language she could recall.

“I know,” she breathed softly, the words barely registering above a whisper. This was bad. She knew this was bad. This…wasn’t something they could talk their way out of, or figure out with reassuring kisses. They’d messed up. They’d been careless, especially Rosalie, knowing what this meant for her.

”You’re sure?”

His eyes finally found hers again and she could see the terrified boy lingering in the dead center of them. Normally, Cassian could mask well, but she could tell he wasn’t even trying this time. Maybe he hadn’t even thought to. She nodded slowly, “Yeah. I think so.” She let out a shaky breath, looking down at her hands as she ruminated on the evidence. “I’m late. Really late, and I…never am.” Her cheeks flushed red, talking about it with him, but she figured they were past the point of modesty now. “And I’ve been feeling sick all week and really tired.”

It wasn’t the normal back-to-school fatigue.

“I don’t know. That sounds like it, right?”

“Okay, you need to say something!”

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

What did one say? Congratulations? This wasn't exactly a celebration, a fact both their reactions had made clear. Did he offer condolences? Of course not, that was stupid. Who did that when someone said they were preg...preg...that? While he was lost for words, the boy wasn't trying to make it worse by saying things that would imply he was anything but fully and completely in this with her, no matter how fiercely he withered on the inside.

“I’m late. Really late, and I…never am. And I’ve been feeling sick all week and really tired.”

He was going to be sick. Verifiably and undeniably sick. There was no end to the thoughts that swirled inside his head, and no end to the frenzied panic that had his chest constricting. Those did sound like things that would happen if she really was...was...

Oh, Merlin.

Cass's eyes drifted down to her stomach as an uncomfortable shiver shot up his spine. Goosebumps spread across his skin, his small hairs standing on end, while he felt his own stomach fall further. This couldn't have been happening. This...there was no way. They...in truth...hadn't been the most careful--but...but...

Fuck.

“I don’t know. That sounds like it, right?”

He wanted off this boat. Not away from his girlfriend, she could come, too, but he needed to be away from the gentle rocking motion that only amplified his nausea. He had to think. He had to make a plan. They'd have to run again. Somewhere, anywhere. Not the same places; they'd only get caught. They didn't have money. They'd need money. America? No, Freddie's mother would send them back. His grandparents, back in Norway? His aunts? His cousins? Neither Adam nor Justine had written home since leaving...he didn't know how he'd reach out to either.

Cassian sucked in a breath so deep it made his lungs hurt.

"Alright." Shit. "What do you want to do?" Maybe...they'd start there...while he wrapped his mind around all he might very well end up having to do. It wasn't, admittedly, a road he wanted to ever go down again--for a multitude of reasons--but shit, if his baby really was in there...didn't that mean he had to? There were choices he'd have to make, he'd have to be a man and make it work.

Somehow.

Shit.

He was spiraling.

It was all Rosie could do to sit there, noticing the way his eyes fell to her stomach, and not pull back completely. There was fear in his eyes - but something else too. She could feel it radiating from him, but couldn't place the way it unnerved her. She felt herself shrinking inward as she curled her arms around her stomach, diverting her eyes from him.

She understood. It was a terrifying thing for both of them...and...she didn't know what to do. She didn't blame him for his reaction, but maybe there was a tiny part of her, the softer part of her, that had hoped, maybe, any part of him might be happy. It wasn't ideal, and she knew it sounded crazy, even in just her head. They were barely sixteen and had no resources, no support, no way of seeing this as a good thing.

But...it was his baby. Cassian and Rosalie. Together. There was something sweet and beautiful in that, even if this was a shit situation. Even if Rosie understood very well what the consequences were going to be for her.

"Alright."

Her eyes timidly found his again, waiting for him to tell her he couldn't do this. She couldn't blame him if he did, could she? Her family had already put them through so much, and this would only compound and make everything so much more complicated. She already knew what she'd have to do to protect Cassian and the baby. If she really was expecting one.

"What do you want to do?"

That was easy. Rosalie wanted Cassian. She wanted their little cottage by the sea and a sweet baby in their arms. She wanted a soft little place of their own where no one could hurt them or chase them or threaten them. She wanted to sit in her garden, cuddling their baby, look into Cassian's eyes and know everything was going to be okay.

It was a pipe dream, and it broke her heart.

"Um," her voice broke as tears welled in her eyes and she gave a little shrug. "I don't know. We're gonna have to do something though." She bit her lip, looking out over the horizon, knowing of the two of them, she was going to have to be the one to make the hard decisions here. She knew Cassian. He'd want to run, and that just wasn't feasible. They'd be in even worse shape this time than last year. No money, a surveillance charm they hadn't broken, and she'd be easily tired and worn out. The stress itself would do her in.

She took a deep breath, her arms still crossed over her stomach. "We should talk to Julia. Maybe...she can do something about it." A sharp intake of air as she held it together, refusing to cry over something that had never and would never be hers anyway.

"Can you row us back?"

What was already objectively a bad situation--neither was denying this, yes?--only seemed to get infinitely worse. The news was enough to have the boy wishing he could sink into the lake and never surface, but it was the unmistakable despair etched into his girlfriend's sad eyes that tipped the scales beyond repair. Whatever she'd been hoping for, he had been able to provide. He was failing her in real time, and those deep blue oceans of hers now sought to drown him in the pain she felt.

He didn't know what to do. How...what would make this better? Was there anything that could make it better? Teach him the spell, point him in the direction of the book, and he'd magick it all better in a heartbeat.

But it wasn't that simple. On the contrary, this was the farthest thing from simple. His father's explosion would be nothing compared to the wrath he knew awaited them the moment her family found out. If they didn't even want her dating him, they certainly weren't trying to have him put a baby in her. Hell, HE hadn't been trying to put a baby in her. That...Cassian couldn't think of many things he'd wanted less, knowing their current situation. The boy knew the disaster it would spell for them both, and that was already beginning to manifest.

He'd ruined her life. Watching her eyes moisten, Cass could only imagine the terror flowing through her as she considered her options and the choices they were going to have to make because of his carelessness. A helplessness gripped him. All he could do was wrap his arm around her to pull her close, but a plan? The thing he was meant to have? It never came.

"Hey..." he said softly, trying to push down his own mounting fears in a bid to console and offer some comfort to her. "It'll be okay..." He didn't know how, but "You and me, we'll make this work, whatever we have to do."

"We should talk to Julia. Maybe...she can do something about it."

Except that.

Cassian still remembered the last time they'd spoken to Julia. She'd been very curt, matter-of-fact, dismissive, and condescending. The woman had made it clear she didn't think much about the love they had for each other, and he couldn't imagine she'd start now. She'd given ultimatums that were no less than threats and had forced them on the run. Now, Rosie wanted to talk to her again?

The boy stiffened at the suggestion, biting back his protest for the sake of avoiding an argument when his emotions felt so raw. He was falling apart in real time. The only thing that kept him together was trying to keep her together. That would all go to shit really quickly should they get into what a manipulative woman her cousin could be while Rosie was seeking...solutions.

Despite his justified panic, his blood ran cold at the thought of what those "solutions" might be. Fuck. This wasn't how he saw being told he'd be a dad. Cassian had always thought he'd be older, wiser, with his own home or flat for him and his wife, over the moon and ready to buy baby things. He never imagined he'd be sitting in a boat out on the lake, fighting for his sanity while grieving what might well be the loss of a baby he didn't even know--and how wild it was for it to be a loss in the first place. Logically, he knew this wouldn't end well.

His jaw set with the tension coursing through him, as he tried to steel himself against all this. He'd be strong for her. "Fine, yeah, we'll talk to her."

"Can you row us back?"

"...Yeah." He gave Rosie a final squeeze before getting up and returning to his earlier spot. Cassian took the oars and got them turned around, then struck out for the shore in the sort of silence that swallowed him. Try as he did to be present, to engage her so her mind would be on anything else, a powerful force sucked him in, imprisoning him within the walls of his own chaotic thoughts.

The boy of many words had nothing left to say.