Never Say Never | Malia

Friday, October 7, 1921
8:30 PM
<3

She was exhausted.

The fatigue that had plagued her the better part of three weeks now wasn't letting up and only seemed to be getting worse. She wasn't sleeping well at night, finding herself increasingly restless as each night passed. It led to her feeling sick to her stomach nearly every day, her appetite nearly non-existent, and worse, it was affecting how well she could focus on her work.

Never, not once in her life, had Julia ever slacked off on her job or given less than one hundred percent. She was obnoxiously dedicated and thorough, and her inability to keep up was starting to worry her.

She knew she needed to go to Mungo's, but the woman was a horrid patient - as much as she insisted others care for their own health - and had no desire to see the inside of a hospital. The smells, the sounds, the tension in the air. All it did was take her back to her father's illness. Memories she'd sooner forget.

She glanced up for a moment at the black cat that wandered through her door, giving him a wry smile before turning her attention - or what was left of it - to her papers. "Bored?" she asked him, knowing well he wouldn't answer in this form outside of a mew. Maddox liked to insist he wasn't a cat but he really committed to the bit when he looked like one.

"I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place, mon soleil. I'm not much for Friday night entertainment." She sighed, her eyes blinking heavily, wanting to go to bed, but knowing sleep wouldn't come anyway.

Her head slumped in her hand as her quill moved slowly across an essay, scratching out poor grammar here, editing potion steps there, correcting an ingredient - mugwort, not belladonna for Merlin's sake.

Julia had chosen to die without the courtesy of telling him.

Maddox first noticed it about a month back. He was the sort to be easily fatigued by the day's demands, but the woman had always been a powerhouse. He couldn't say where she'd gotten half the energy she possessed, but it seemed her supplier had finally made the decision to cut her off. Now, there were afternoons when Julia joined him for naps, rather than finding some work to complete until he was awake. He wasn't complaining about it...in itself. If they timed it just right with Evander's nap, they could all have a blissful afternoon, and he enjoyed those moments.

But it wasn't her. With each passing day, it became less her. Add the nausea she sometimes complained about, the headaches, the lightheadedness and the charms professor was ready for that trip to Mungo's she often liked to threaten.

At this point, it would be for a good cause.

Maddox padded into her office silently. He'd left Evander with his sister after getting him down for the night, trusting that, while not likely how Morgan would've preferred to spend her Friday night, there wouldn't be any sort of trouble that would require him to run back. She had assignments she could begin working on and a few sickles to look forward to when he returned. Truly, there was nothing more she needed.

That freed him up to direct his attention where it was needed.

Maddox was fairly sure that his condition wasn't contagious. It had never been in the past. In any case, he didn't share most of the symptoms. Whatever plagued her was uniquely her own, and the man wasn't inclined to let it go on for much longer on the off chance she really was staring death in the face but had decided not to share with the rest of the class.

"Bored?"

He ignored the question, hopping onto her desk instead. The man set himself at the far corner before stretching back into the form of a man. Perched, blue oceans took a moment to wash over her.

"I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place, mon soleil. I'm not much for Friday night entertainment."

"Illness does have that effect on people," he drawled languidly, watching her give in to her fatigue as her head slumped to the side. "Yours especially." He reached across the table, sliding the parchment from her in an attempt to gain her attention.

"No entertainment, only a trip. St. Mungo's. I believe you've been wanting to head there for months. Consider it my treat."

"I'm not sick," she insisted, not believing it herself. She knew something was wrong, and being the type to consistently overanalyze she had gone over nearly every illness she could possibly think of to try and nail it down herself - coming up woefully short. Nothing made sense.

The flu didn't last for three weeks. Lack of sleep for her didn't usually mean being sick to her stomach. Stress didn't typically cause her a lack of sleep. "I'm just tired is all. Probably the summer catching up with me." She knew it was a lost cause. She'd complained of all the various symptoms at different times to him. He knew as well as she did that this wasn't a simple case of insomnia.

Her eyes followed the parchment that Maddox - once again a man - pulled from her, coming to rest on his hand that held it captive. Apparently he had more to say. She didn't look at him, having a fairly good idea of where he was going with this, and for several reasons, the answer was no.

Julia was well-aware how hypocritical it was of her, considering she'd been on Maddox's ass since March to get himself to the healers for a proper evaluation, but she told herself it was different. He'd been sick for years. She'd only been a little under the weather recently. It would clear itself up.

Surely.

"No entertainment, only a trip. St. Mungo's. I believe you've been wanting to head there for months. Consider it my treat."

"No." She reached across her desk, still avoiding his gaze as she tugged for the parchment. "I'm far too busy and already behind." He wanted her to keep her job, didn't he? If she slacked off much more she was half-certain she'd be out with her termination papers, and then whose desk would he sleep on? Truly, she could argue she was only looking out for him.

"But feel free to make yourself an appointment," she finally glanced up, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips. Another tug on the parchment. "Let it go, love."

No.

She wasn't sick.

No plans to go to St. Mungo's.

Maddox was prepared for her excuses. More accurately put, he was prepared to ignore everything that didn't directly relate to her intentions of following him. Call him a hypocrite, say he ought to be as concerned for his own health. None of that mattered to him. The business that brought him to Julia's office was her health and getting to the bottom of whatever had turned it so poor in recent months. Even if she wasn't dying, she couldn't deny that it was already affecting her work. Knowing her, despite her reservations surrounding the hospital, it seemed like something she'd have wanted to take care of.

She could hardly stand the thought of being inefficient.

Instead, Julia was expertly avoiding his gaze, pretending she was too busy to pay him the time of day.

"I'm far too busy and already behind."

"Uh-huh." Too busy, he knew. "You'll be even further behind when you start falling asleep mid-lessons or when half your day is spent in the loo losing whatever little you've decided to eat."

"Let it go, love."

She tugged, but his grip never loosened. For a moment, the two shared a silent stare, his eyes boring into hers in their inquisition. She could smirk at him all she liked; it wouldn't change their destination for the evening.

"The sooner we go, the sooner you can come back." He let the parchment slip from beneath his fingers, no longer holding it in place. The man arched one of his dark brows. "You do realise that I'm prepared to be a nuisance until then, yes? If you thought you were behind before, how will you manage under genuine provocation?" Julia was persistent, sometimes in all the wrong ways. It wasn't as common for him, but he knew how to get it done and how to exasperate her enough. If she chose to stay, it would be while getting nothing done.

To prove his point, he shrank himself down again, once again taking the form of the black cat that typically adorned her desk.

Moving closer, he positioned himself in her lap, wedging in between her stomach and the desk. Black paws extended, stretching across the parchment to block entire sections.

They could both sit here, or they could get this...over...with.

Hm?

He turned in her lap so that his face now pressed into her stomach. Any outsider may have thought it was an affectionate gesture, but something had caught his attention. Something curious indeed.

Was it too late to hope she was dying?

No, no, he'd miss her, though dying would certainly be an easier fix.

She saw the look in his eyes and she sighed, rolling her own as she finally retrieved her parchment, settling it back in front of her. He meant well, and she didn't fault him. Had the roles been reversed - and they had, he was just far more stubborn - she'd have insisted as well.

"The sooner we go, the sooner you can come back."

She didn't answer, resuming her grading. She raised an eyebrow, turning the parchment over to decipher who had written this essay and seeing the name at the top of it, she gave a slight shake of her head. Well, it all made sense now. She'd have a chat with them at the end of next class, less they accidentally poison themselves with a errant polyjuice.

"You do realise that I'm prepared to be a nuisance until then, yes? If you thought you were behind before, how will you manage under genuine provocation?"

Oh, she knew. He was a nuisance on his good days, when he wasn't trying to haul her off to Mungo's to get a diagnosis that was none of her business.

She was used to his antics and had no problem gathering him up by the scruff and tossing him out of her office if she needed to, but for now, as she transfigured back into his feline form, she could only smile as he climbed into her lap, stretching his paws pointedly over her parchment.

"Honestly," she tutted, dropping her quill to scratch behind his ears. "You're ridiculous, you know that, right?" He turned, butting his head into her stomach as though to make a point. "Alright," she sighed, gathering Maddox up in her arms and standing from her chair.

Dizziness overtook her momentarily, but she ignored it, dropping a kiss on his head, before letting him jump to the floor.

"Let's go, but we're going to make it quick. I refuse to stay there all night waiting on a healer to decide I'm worth their time." She crossed the room to gather her coat and purse.

Hold up.

Hoooold up.

Julia picked him up, relenting to his mild but uncompromising demands. He didn't think it would've been that easy, and in any other circumstance he may have relished the ease. His mind was elsewhere. Not for the first time, Maddox picked up subtle changes in her scent. They'd been inexplicable from the moment the first appeared, wafting in and out before he had time to truly take notice. Nestled into her lap, it became too real to ignore.

Worse, it was familiar even in its distinction.

But surely not.

Julia let him down with a kiss on the head, not thinking too much of it, but it wasn't something he thought he could let go. Those little things, the shifts in her magical aura, the faint echoes of something...unnamed...they pulled him in.

Maddox rubbed against her legs, searching for something he didn't know. As she turned to cross the room, he stretched back into form, taking hold of her by the wrist to stop her.

They would still go to the hospital...in a moment.

The man didn't speak at first, grappling with large ideas kept hidden behind liquid blue eyes. His gaze washed over her, desperate in their search for anything that might prove he was only imagining things, but everything was falling into place too eerily well for him to blindly consider it all a passing coincidence.

He drifted back to her desk, half perched atop it as he pulled her to settle between his legs.

Wordlessly, he tugged her closer, shifting the hair by her neck as he leaned in.

Hmm.

"Keeping up with that spell of yours alright?" he asked, loosening his hold on her so he could once again meet her gaze. "Everything's fine on that end? Nothing we'd need to worry about?"

Because he was starting to worry.

She had her wand, her purse. She probably should send a quick owl home to let them know she was headed to the hospital. Kate was back in Arundel this week, so there was no need to fetch Benji to watch her for the night. Had Maddox already let Gideon and Rose know they’d be gone in case something with their houses happened…?

He took hold of her wrist, tugging her to him as he sat on the edge of her desk. Weren’t they leaving? He’d been so insistent and now he was stalling, apparently wanting affection beforehand. She almost scolded him for his antics, when she noticed the way his expression had changed.

It was more thoughtful, studious, concerned.

“What?” Julia asked, seeing the worry behind his eyes. “I promise I’m fine.” She’d go to Mungo’s, they’d tell her she was just chronically fatigued. Overworked. Too much stress that was finally catching up with her. They’d give her some potions and everything would be fine again.

She wasn’t dying, for Merlin’s sake.

"Keeping up with that spell of yours alright?”

Hmm? What spell? Confusion sparked in her eyes, not quite sure what he meant, or why she’d gotten her coat on if they weren’t leaving.

"Everything's fine on that end? Nothing we'd need to worry about?"

…end? What end? Surely he didn’t mean -

Her eyes widened slightly as he met her gaze, her lips parting to answer, but coming up empty. Did he think…? “Yes, of course,” she said quickly, although the way her heart skipped a beat betrayed the sudden cold feeling that gripped her chest.

Did he think she was - pregnant? No. No. She’d always been so careful, and taken precautions. It had been a chaotic few months but she’d never…

“Oh fuck,” she murmured, not moving her eyes from his. She never cursed, not like that. But - there had been one week now that she thought about it where it had slipped her mind. But she only missed it by a few days. Surely not…

“I can’t breathe,” she suddenly gasped, her heart suddenly palpitating erratically. Her already exhausted body felt heavy, and she pulled desperately for her composure. “August,” she said, but shook her head, refusing to believe it.

There were explanations, plenty of them. None of which resulted in what he was implying.

“Yes, of course.”

She was as convincing as a toddler with crumbs on their face.

He and Julia had spoken about her charm on several occasions, and when they did, there was never so much as an ounce of hesitation or doubt. The woman relished the moments where, with a smirk placed on her lips, she bragged about having never been pregnant. Foolproof the argument always was. Security and assurance, nothing she trusted more with her reproductive health.

Her response was distinctly lacking in that confidence now. Her gaze wavered, her breath hitched. The real tell came with the swear that fell carelessly from the mouth of the woman who'd always demonstrated perfect composure and refinement, even while she fell apart.

Watching her slowly crumble under her own doubt caused his lungs to constrict, despite his every effort to keep them open.

What did she mean by "oh, fuck"? Oh, fuck, what? It wasn't the time for her to suddenly become cryptic. With each second that passed, his stomach sank deeper in his abdomen. Soon, it would break through its fleshy barrier and descend into his feet.

“I can’t breathe.”

Shit.

Maddox cupped her face, trying to get her to focus. "Listen to me, I need you to slow down and breathe. In and out, come on." They could start there while he did everything he could to prevent his body from shutting down. It could've as easily been nothing. A false alarm, something else triggering his sensitivity.

The numbness creeping its way through his limbs was reminiscent of the last time he'd been in such a situation. It became a struggle to keep his own panic at bay, but the man understood the simple truth that they couldn't both afford to spiral at the time.

“August.”

August.

He remembered. Fuck.

"It could be nothing," he offered, brushing his thumbs lightly along her cheeks. "You said it yourself; it's never failed." Julia had, by no means, been a loose woman, but she'd enjoyed herself throughout her life. That it had never happened despite her many entanglements was surely a testimony to the impossibility of the moment they now found themselves in. "Let's..." Shit. "Let's just head to St. Mungo's. We'll only drive ourselves up the wall if we stand around your office."

And he didn't know how much longer he could hold it together with that sort of news looming over him. It was better to know; far better than sitting with his mounting anxieties.

She nodded, forcing herself to breathe when Maddox cupped her face. Julia wasn’t one to lose her composure, even in extremely difficult moments, but his question and the unexpected racing of her mind, calculating every day and moment up until now had thrown her.

She could breathe. She could breathe.

It wasn’t that. There was no way. She had been so careful, and even the three days that she had forgotten due to the chaos surrounding Kathryn shouldn’t be enough to allow anything to happen. The charm…it was residual. It lasted.

She focused on his deep blue eyes and the way his thumbs brushed gently across her cheeks. She knew…they were more now. They’d decided as much, and that meant that even if something had happened, it wasn’t with her friend, but with someone she loved. If…if something had failed, she knew at least that they could figure this out.

Probably.

Fuck.

“Okay,” she agreed with a slight nod. The hospital. There was only really one way to know, and once the healers found the real culprit and not a mini-Barlowe in there, they both could come back here and laugh at how stupidly and swiftly they had fallen into the worse-case scenario.

“Let’s go.”

---

St. Mungo’s Emergency Ward
An Hour Later

She was shaking. She hated the hospital.

Cold. Quiet, aside from the sound of the clock on the wall. Sterile. Antiseptic.

She sat quietly on the hospital bed, having been admitted when she’d swayed with exhaustion during her examination. They’d taken blood samples, checked her vitals, all the normal procedures when one found themselves in a place like this.

Maddox sat on the bed beside her, his hand running gently through her hair as they waited. Not much longer, the nurse had said. They were just waiting on results.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, feeling the need to get it out. “If it is…if I messed up.” She hadn’t meant to. She had just been so stressed and distracted with her daughter, in knots over what she had experienced and trying to ensure that she showered all of her attention and love on the little girl. She hadn’t fussed or worried about herself, and now…what if she was?

Maddox was a good man and had been through this before. But he already had two children and was struggling with his own fatigue and illness as it was. What if he couldn’t handle a third? What if he didn’t want this? Could she handle it on her own? What about Benji and Kathryn? How would they feel?

What about her brother and her family? What would they say and think?

The door to the room opened, Healer Warner stepping back in with a clipboard in hand.

“We have the results,” he said without any inflection, looking back and forth between them.

Julia nodded, giving him the go ahead. If it wasn’t a baby, then she needed to brace herself for what it could actually be.

“After reviewing all the results and ruling out any underlying illnesses, we were able to determine that Miss Laurence is expecting. A little over two months along.”

The healers at St. Mungo's didn't think it was nothing. That point was made clear enough when they'd gotten Julia her own bed and told them to sit tight.

Sit tight.

Seldom did that end well. Already an hour had passed, and while Maddox was glad it hadn't been spent down in reception, where he might run into the healer he'd promised he'd return to see at the end of August but hadn't, he could've done without the illusion being painted of Julia already being a patient. Both had ideas of what it could mean. Having medical eyes blaring their own red flags upped the ante in a way that opened the door for far worse.

Such was the nature of hospitals. You showed up for something and left discovering you had a multitude of others. It could as easily have been the case with Julia; there because they worried they hadn't been careful enough, leaving with a cabinet full of potions she would be relegated to for the rest of her life.

“I’m sorry. If it is…if I messed up.”

He drew his gaze from the wall, where it had been firmly planted in the moments of silence that fell between them. They settled on her, washing over her and taking in the ever-tightening tendrils of anxiety that were slowly causing her to shut down. She was apologising for something they'd both done – if that was even it. Nothing was confirmed. There was no need to catastrophise just yet and even less need to take on that catastrophe alone.

He cracked a wry smile, trying not to let the heaviness of the situation creep into his mood. "I don't remember making any complaints when you'd shown up at my door."

Maddox wasn't looking for another baby. Evander was still a baby, one that didn't sit still or understand the concept of an inside voice. That didn't mean he'd go laying blame at her feet or disparaging her for something they'd fallen into together. Owning up to his responsibilities had never been a struggle for the man. It was how he'd been raised. Distressed, thrilled, reluctant – it didn't matter the moment something was required of him.

As sure as Julia had been, Maddox would be the first to accept that it had still been careless. Wasn't that how he'd gotten Evander? The years had made him complacent. The whirlwind that the pair had been swept into from the moment they opened that door had made it easier to convince himself that it was a worry for someone else.

If it became a worry for him, his irritatingly persistent sense of duty would see him through until the rest could figure itself out.

"How about we not worry about anything until we—"

“We have the results.”

His stomach fell. Maddox wasn't sure he wanted the news – not for a little longer, at least. Until it became definitive, there was always a chance to deny and soothe the apprehension that closed in around his throat.

No.

It was for the best. Every plaster needed to be ripped off at some point. Maddox gestured for the healer to go on, even as his heart began to thunder inside his chest.

“After reviewing all the results and ruling out any underlying illnesses, we were able to determine that Miss Laurence is expecting. A little over two months along.”

He felt his stomach drop. It was good that he'd been sitting. The moment the words broke into the air, a weakness took his limbs. Expecting. A little over two months. Fuck. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe but needed to anyway to ensure that Julia never stopped. Fuck. Shit. Pregnant. His head spun violently, his eyes clouding before he forced them back into focus.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Maddox pressed his palm into his forehead, trying to steady himself, but the news kept replaying. Suddenly, he was brought back to Rose's desk in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, the scents of burnt coffee and old parchment flooding toward him despite him being physically anchored there in the hospital. He could feel the way his stomach had churned and the way the world had grown to an echoing silence because it was all happening again.

Fuck.

She blinked. Once. Twice.

The image of the healer standing at the end of the bed went fuzzy, the words reverberating inside her skull, but sounding muddled and far away.

Julia didn't move, and her body showed no visible reaction as she sat still in the same position she'd been in when the door had opened. It was as though hearing the words set something at ease within her mind - the anticipation and dread having been far worse than the actual blade that came down upon them.

Expecting. She...was expecting.

It made sense, all of it. The lack of sleep, the chronic fatigue, the nausea, the aversion to sights and smells that normally had no affect on her. She moved her eyes from the healer, turning only slightly to try and meet Maddox's, but felt her heart drop when his hand went to his forehead. This wasn't welcome news.

She knew that. It wasn't even welcome for her, she thought. She didn't know what to do or say. Granted, she wasn't a young twenty-something year old or a teen in an impossible position. She could provide for a baby on her own, while still taking care of the two children that she had.

But it was more than that. It was life-changing in a way she hadn't been prepared for, and Maddox...? Well he seemed to be handling it as well as he had the last one.

"The nurse will be in shortly with your list of appointments for the next few months, as well as some guidelines we'd like you to follow to ensure the health of your baby."

She could breathe. Despite her panic in her office and the way she'd been shaking only moments ago, Julia felt a calm wash over her that was greatly welcome. Her normal composure had returned and she returned her gaze to the healer, thanking him for his time. The man nodded to both of them, sparing Maddox an unsure glance before he headed for the door.

"Congratulations, by the way." It was all he offered before the door shut quietly again behind him.

Tick. Tock.

The clock took precedence again in the room as silence fell over the two. She waited a moment, to see if he would say something, but when he didn't she took the reins. Julia turned slightly on the bed to look at him, tugging his hand gently from his face and squeezing it so he could look at her.

"It'll be alright," she said, her usual soft voice returning, steady and sure despite the way her heart seemed to skip every other beat. She wanted to apologize again, knowing it was her lapse in remembrance that had gotten them in this position. While they had been fooling around for months at this point, their relationship was still new and she wasn't sure it could handle something this huge at this early a point.

Still, what choice did they have? Well, she certainly didn't have one. Maddox though, she'd let him choose whatever he wanted and she'd respect it. She smiled weakly, trying to be strong for both of them. "A baby's not the worst thing that they could have found, right?"

It was all she had to offer in a moment that felt bigger than both of them.

"Congratulations, by the way."

Was he...mocking them...? Likely not, but in the moment, Maddox couldn't help but feel as if the very universe was in on a joke they'd forgotten to share the punchline for. Another baby, when Evander hadn't allowed him more than an hour of sleep at a time the night before. Another one. A second set of screaming vocals, another tiny human you couldn't take your eyes off for their own sake – and sometimes yours.

"It'll be alright."

He barely heard her over the swirling thoughts that clouded his mind. Already, his brain was thinking of logic, options – change. There would need to be change. What changes? Those were yet to be figured out. They'd arrived at the point in the conversation where he typically slinked off to go find Julia and wait for her reassurances to soothe him, but she was currently half the problem. She, the woman he'd grown to love over years of shared lives and companionship, was the thing he needed to unload to Julia about.

Circe sake.

His gaze caught hers in time to see the attempt at a smile. It sobered him enough. He wasn't having a baby; they were. As much as it would require things to change for him, he imagined things would change even more for her and for them. Maddox had other children. He'd never had other children within the confines of an established relationship.

"A baby's not the worst thing that they could have found, right?"

Things would be different—should be different. Julia was smiling through her discomfort where he'd frozen.

It was unbecoming, to say the least.

Dragging his hand down his face, the man exhaled roughly. "No...no, you're right. It's not the worst, not by any measure." He had to breathe, at least long enough to ensure she felt supported. "I'm sorry," he said, forcing a breath of air into his lungs. "This," the panic, "isn't what either of us needs right now. Merlin knows we've already got a million babies between us. What's...what's one more?"

He didn't suppose it made much difference in the grander scheme of things. Neither was hurting for galleons, and neither lived in cramped or uncomfortable dwellings. Julia, as much as she hadn't been the boy's mother, had helped to raise Evander. It...this...was...more of the same.

He just...needed some time to think.

Maddox reached across the small distance, pulling her in to offer a reassuring kiss. Panic aside, they were in this together, and he needed her to remember that. "A baby, then." Fuck. "Evander needed a brother. I'm getting a little too old to be his only playmate, and Kathryn's not exactly lining up to get mud on her stockings."

This...this was...it...was...fine?

Breathe.

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes softened, and she shook her head slightly. "Don't be," she insisted. He had nothing to be sorry for, least of all his reaction. Neither of them had planned for this - or wanted this - if they were being honest. Julia had her hands full as it was with Benji and Kate. Add Evander on any given day and the woman had more than enough chaos to fill her days. She was thirty-four with a full-time job and had just taken on house head to boot.

How was she going fit in not just another child, but a newborn?

"This isn't what either of us needs right now. Merlin knows we've already got a million babies between us. What's...what's one more?"

He was trying, bless him. Julia knew Maddox inside and out. It was what happened after spending the better part of three years with each other, sharing their days and lives without even realizing it was happening. Evander was the little anchor between them. While she wasn't his biological mother, he was hers as much as any child could be, and she'd never blinked at the implication that she was helping Maddox raise him.

Knowing him as she did, and having seen him in a similar situation before, she understood this was just what he needed to do before he talked himself down.

As for her? She...didn't know how she felt.

She accepted his kiss, knowing he was trying to reassure her, if not himself.

"A baby, then."

A baby. Their baby. Julia had never thought to be in this position, much less with Maddox. She was still getting used to the idea that they were in an exclusive relationship and figuring out where that would take them. Was she ready for this? Were they? It seemed like one of those ready-or-not things, and she'd have to adjust and acclimate regardless.

"Evander needed a brother. I'm getting a little too old to be his only playmate, and Kathryn's not exactly lining up to get mud on her stockings."

She appreciated his pull for humor, understanding that they were both floundering here. Her silence stretched on as she tried to reconcile how she felt before she spoke. "Could be a girl," she reminded him, brushing her hand through his hair to fix it. Kathryn wouldn't handle it well. Kathryn was already sensitive and territorial over her mother. She'd smacked Maddox with a broom, offended over him sitting on her mother's couch.

A baby wouldn't go over much better.

"We can't tell anyone," she said quietly, holding his gaze, "Other than our families." She knew he'd understand what she meant. With so much riding on the trial, they couldn't afford to possibly throw a wrench in things. Julia wasn't willing to lose her best friend before, but now that he was going to be the father of her child?

"I need you."

Well.

She wasn't wrong. It could be a girl. Huh. In the panic that had set in, gender hadn't crossed his mind. Did it matter? Did he care? Maddox already had both a daughter and a son, finding the experiences of raising them entirely different. Age notwithstanding, Morgan and Evander required different forms of parenting.

Another girl? A more genuine, albeit wry, smile took shape. "As if Kathryn doesn't have enough reasons to off me in my sleep. Give her a sister. She'll love that." Although he supposed she wouldn't have been too thrilled about a brother either. The little girl had never been cruel to Evander, but it was very clear she didn't have the patience for his chaos, and with two children that sometimes passed their one brain cell back and forth...chances were...she wouldn't like the baby much either.

That would be fun. Merlin.

Thinking about it, Morgan likely wouldn't be any more 'thrilled'. She was no longer 11--thank Merlin--but his daughter hadn't necessarily grown out of her dramatics. The girl still referred to her brother in variations of 'blob'. It was affectionate now, but the man feared the whole saga was about to start itself over, and he was less certain about how to rein in the terrible mood of a full-fledged teenager.

The problems kept mounting, didn't they?

"We can't tell anyone."

He couldn't agree mo-

"Other than our families."

He would know no peace. The news of a baby – try as it did – hadn't killed him. Telling his mother...might.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, taking her hand in his. Maddox knew what she meant, of course. The trials. They hadn't talked about them much beyond when he'd first been served the charges. He was a large part of that. When it came down to it, Maddox didn't want to talk about the possibility of being taken from his children and sent off to Azkaban over a job he'd tried to quit the summer before. He didn't want to think about a cold cell on a cliffside out at sea with dementors and despair for company.

"Gideon's already been acquitted. Tells me those stuffy bigwigs over at the ministry can be reasoned with. We'll keep what we know to ourselves, like you said, but." He rose from the bed. There was no longer any reason for them to remain there. Julia had been given the all-clear, and they couldn't leave their houses entirely unattended for the entire night. It was time to be heading back.

"You and me, we've got some things we'll need to talk about."

He suspected she already knew that. A baby didn't only mean late-night feedings. If they were doing this, really doing this, then there were things they needed to get out of the way. It wouldn't do to leave it all for the last minute.

Maddox held out his hand for her to take, ready to put the sterile building behind them.

"As if Kathryn doesn't have enough reasons to off me in my sleep. Give her a sister. She'll love that."

Funny enough, the silent little girl who could stare daggers through someone was the least of Julia's worries. The woman was confident she could make her daughter feel at ease in the end and help her understand the changes that were being thrust upon them all.

It was the rest of her family she was unsure about. James would be supportive, albeit frustrated and likely to blame her for throwing his perfectly procured world into chaos again. Her brother, as sincere and level-headed as he could be when dealing with his family members, didn't like mess. He didn't like scandal and he didn't like his sister or any other woman in the family being at the center of them.

And the others? Julia didn't care much as to what Uncle Robert's family would say, considering they'd mentally abused Rosalie enough until she ran. But she wouldn't subject her own child to their venom. Maddox was a pureblood, which meant their baby would be, but it wouldn't stop the tongues wagging - especially about her being unmarried.

So many things to consider, when she wasn't laid up on a hospital bed trying to come to terms with the fact she was pregnant at all.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She believed him, and James had assured her that all would be well when it came to Maddox. But what if her brother wasn't persuasive enough? What if there were enough on the body that felt Maddox had behaved unscrupulously?

"Gideon's already been acquitted. Tells me those stuffy bigwigs over at the ministry can be reasoned with. We'll keep what we know to ourselves, like you said, but."

Ruby hadn't been. Their former boss was already in Azkaban, at the beginning of a two year sentence for child endangerment...but...no. She couldn't go there. Not now.

"You're right," she said evenly, allowing him to lead her from the bed where she slipped quickly into her shoes. She reached for her purse as the nurse came back in and handed off a list of appointments and instructions before leaving them again.

"I suppose we'll have a lot to work out then." Her voice was resigned, tired. All she wanted was to climb into her bed, considering the late hour, and fall asleep. With any luck, she'd wake up in the morning and find it had all been a dream.

A fetus-free dream.

"Let's go sunshine."

Sunday, October 9, 1921
Julia's private quarters
1:30 PM

"He's finally gone down."

Maddox nudged the door shut behind him, carrying his sleeping toddler in his arm. After lunch, he'd taken the boy on a brief walk over to the lake and then given him his afternoon bath. Tired as Evander happened to be, it hadn't taken long for him to fall asleep. They had an hour, maybe two, to get through some meaningful conversation and decision-making before he tore through the private rooms like they were his personal domain.

He walked by her, dropping a quick kiss on her lips before continuing on through the sitting room and into the bedroom. Once Evander was deposited on her bed, he re-entered the sitting room and closed that door behind him. "Someone slipped him sugar at lunch. I don't know who, but when I find out," he sank onto the arm of the chair in which she sat reading, looking every bit as worn as he felt, "they'll have detention until they graduate."

He already had his suspicions, but it was nothing worth pursuing for the moment.

It was the first chance they'd both gotten since the trip to Mungo's, where neither common room was on fire and they didn't have students at each other's throats over domestic disputes that were common with such shared accommodations. One would think the weekend meant a break from such trifles, but without classes to keep them occupied, the Devil often found work for their idle hands. It hadn't taken any time at all for Maddox to deduce that Gryffindors didn't have enough homework.

Not. Hardly.

"Feeling up for that talk now?"

They'd already agreed to the meeting, but he was aware of just how quickly things could change when hormones fluctuated as wildly as Julia's now did. It would be better to work a few things out before Kathryn returned, though. It was unlikely they'd be able to put her down for a nap, and the little girl never seemed fond of being told to spontaneously go find her brother.

"If not, we probably shouldn't put it beyond tonight. Get ourselves in order before the new workweek devours us."

Most of his plans had already been set but he intended to give a test and an assignment. Both would require his attention.

"He'll be awake before you can blink," she said, only looking up from her book to return the kiss he'd leaned down for. Her hand reached out for a light stroke through Evander's hair, before Maddox was disappearing into her bedroom.

It was a regular habit that had occupied their weekends for years now. On the shorter ones, when heading home for a few days was out of the question, the two had often spent their days together. Sometimes it was spent working, more often it was this. Them, Evander and Kate if she were at the castle and not back home with the aunts.

"Someone slipped him sugar at lunch. I don't know who, but when I find out. They'll have detention until they graduate."

"Either Morgan or Benji," she said lightly, flipping the page of her book to continue her look into the 'Gilded Age' of New York society. 'The Age of Innocence' was a new Pulitzer Prize winner, and an interesting take on nouveau riche in America. "Though I wouldn't put it past Ruth either." That girl seemed to have an endless arsenal of sweets at her disposal. Whether she'd share them with Evander was another story, but Julia had never known Rae not to share, especially when the outcome would amuse her.

"Feeling up for that talk now? If not, we probably shouldn't put it beyond tonight. Get ourselves in order before the new workweek devours us."

She glanced up again as he settled on the arm of her chair. The talk, right. They did need to have that if they were going to figure out how they were to navigate this new hurdle that had been thrown in front of them.

Julia closed her book without marking it and set it on the side table. "Now's fine," she answered, and stood from the chair to stretch her legs and back. The nausea potion the nurse had given her had helped, but she still wasn't sleeping and felt the fatigue beginning to climb through her limbs and muscles in a way it hadn't before.

"Ginger tea?" she offered as she took up the teapot from her kitchenette and filled it with a quick flick of her wand. "I'd offer black, but I'm out. Ginger's the only thing keeping me alive these days." And her stomach contents where they belonged.

"I have some biscuits too, if you want?" She glanced over her shoulder at him, waving the little pack of stale cookies she'd bought a couple weeks back that Kate had refused to eat. "Dunk 'em in the tea and you won't even taste the dust."

"He'll be awake before you can blink."

His head lolled to the side with mild exasperation at the very idea. "Must you try to jinx us before we've had a chance to begin?" the man drawled, his eyes lazily travelling back to the door behind which his son slept. Julia wasn't entirely wrong. While the toddler typically did an amazing job of tiring himself out, there were times when even that wasn't enough to keep him stationary for long. Bedtime became the only reprieve then, and the hours before it tended to drag on into eternity.

"Either Morgan or Benji. Though I wouldn't put it past Ruth either."

Morgan had been at the top of his list. Oblivious to consequences as his daughter sometimes acted, she certainly seemed to enjoy indulging her brother. Maddox had let her have Evander for dinner and while she should've been grounded until she was 40 for it, he supposed he was the one who should've known better.

He watched Julia rise and head for the kitchenette, making herself busy as she always liked to do. "Nothing for me," he replied with a small wave of his hand. He'd had plenty at dinner and didn't require further refreshments. Maddox slinked down into the chair she'd abandoned, his feet hanging over the arm he once occupied. "Bold of you to still offer that girl sugar. Last time I tried, the look she gave me was enough to silently disrespect my ancestors." Kathryn was not an easy girl to treat, no matter how badly he could sometimes tell that she wanted to be.

The 10-year-old had the discipline (or drive for self-punishment) of a middle-aged accountant.

"You sure you wouldn't rather sit and let me get it for you? I don't mind." Pause. He sighed. "Nevermind." With lithe movements, the man was back on his feet. He moved over to her, taking the kettle before shooing her back toward her chair. "Sit," Maddox said, his voice brokering no room for negotiation. To punctuate his ...request, he nudged her on her way before turning to put the kettle on.

Now then, where did he last see that ginger tea?

Was it the top cupboard?

"Let's start with the simplest parts. Living arrangements." Julia wasn't a casual fuck. Even if she was, having raised his two, Maddox didn't think he'd have been fine to say 'take the baby; I'll see you when I see you', as had been the original arrangement when Evander had first been born. It hadn't taken long for him to realise what a monumentally horrendous idea it was, and while he didn't expect that of Julia, his default had become involvement. Meaningful involvement.

Ah, there it was.

He summoned a teacup. "Where did you say the biscuits were?" He'd fetch her some.

Julia smiled to herself, shaking her head slightly at the tease about her daughter. Kathryn was a serious girl, and woefully particular about her food. Kate never partook of sugar outside of their ice cream routine, and even then, she pushed it around more than ate it. “One day she’ll actually be able to kill someone with those hard stares,” she said casually, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek when he took the teapot from her.

Wasn’t he sweet, trying to dote on her?

“I can make my own tea, love.” She gave a little tut, but at his insistence she relented and sat herself at the small round table she shared with Kate for studying or mealtimes. She propped her elbows up, resting her chin in her hands, watching him rustle through her cabinets for the tea. “Cupboard on your left.”

"Let's start with the simplest parts. Living arrangements."

Right. Logistics were important when they were sharing a child. Hogwarts was easy enough. Some nights he’d spend in the Gryffindor tower with Maddox, others he’d spend in the Ravenclaw tower with her. But outside of that? Julia lived at Arundel, as did Benji and Kathryn. Maddox lived in his home in the country with Morgan and Evander.

She didn’t imagine he’d want to uproot himself and his children to live with her entire family. “Is there anything you had in mind? Personally I don’t like the idea of separate homes for the baby. If we’re to be a family,” she paused, shrugging her shoulders for a moment, “then we should live like one. Don’t you think?”

A family. The two of them already were one in so many ways. But a baby would change that definition and the way they’d live their lives together. She smiled lightly. “Biscuits are on the counter but feel free to toss them. No one in this apartment will be eating them.”

“One day she’ll actually be able to kill someone with those hard stares.”

"You laugh about it now. When half the castle turns to stone the first night she becomes a student, I suspect you'll be singing a different tune." They hadn't tried in any meaningful way to introduce Kathryn to children her age since the horror of the summer. It had been...a miscalculation borne of good intention but a miserable failure all the same. She couldn't spend all her time with her mother, her brother that had at least five years on her, her toddler cousins or the adults at Arundel Castle. It wasn't conducive to her social development, and for a girl who already struggled to connect and communicate, it would only set her up for worse.

But it hadn't turned out well, even before Gerard had done what he had. They'd told her that the little girls were her new friends and had encouraged her to have fun. Maddox had seen for himself how quickly she had been 'othered'. He...couldn't say he didn't understand why, but he also wasn't a 10-year-old girl who lacked emotional intelligence. Little Katie was in for a rough time, and that had always mattered to him, but moving forward, it was about to matter even more.

"There are many things you can do on your own," he continued mildly, reaching for the ginger tea. "That's not what we're here for." In fact, had she done things by herself, they wouldn't be here at all, and where would the fun be in that? [b[]"You're always finding work for me to do, don't let a baby stop you."[/b]

He found the biscuits, vanishing them with a flick of his wand. If no one was going to eat them... "Remind me to take Kathryn through your cupboards when she gets back. She'll help sort through the things you've got feeding the dust mites." Julia herself would only insist that someone would eat them eventually.

Then again...Kathryn might insist it all needed to go. It...can be a group endeavour."

The domesticity of the moment made the larger conversation easier. Talking to Julia had never been difficult, but Maddox thought when it came to something so monumental and life-changing that perhaps there would exist even the smallest threads of caution or hesitance. It never came. As he leaned against the counter, waiting for the whistle of the kettle, his heart wasn't pounding; his palms never grew moist. Julia was his closest friend, a constant that had come to his life after years adrift. It seemed only natural to be discussing next steps, and for a man who'd never shied away from difficult decisions, this was only a matter of getting their ducks in a row.

“Is there anything you had in mind? Personally I don’t like the idea of separate homes for the baby. If we’re to be a family, then we should live like one. Don’t you think?”

"Couldn't agree more." He'd actually been thinking along similar lines and was glad to know they were already moving in sync.

"This is a family. I think we can both admit it's been a family longer than the last two days." They shared their lives, their children, their hopes and their fears. This was only an extension of that, the latest manifestation of their growing entanglement.

"There's no need to make this difficult or unnecessarily complicated for ourselves. My home has room, but I suppose we'll be needing more. Rather than create new rooms, I'm proposing I sell the place and we find something bigger. Something that belongs to us both from the start, rather than a place where one moves in and the other compromises." The compromise wasn't on his end. When blending children, it sometimes helped to have them all on neutral ground to start.

"Lovely as that castle of yours is, it's a bit too crowded for my taste."